A New Year's Eve in Cairo

It is 9:18 pm now and I do not know where to go…I want to celebrate the new year’s eve and I do not find a single person to go with me out…to do something…anything…where are the people…I do not know…is it just me or what…girls are sending me messages greeting me for Eid and new year …huh…and one of them sent me a message saying at the end…mabteb3tleesh missed leh…ok…I really don’t understand how Egyptian girls think…

Kingkong is with her best friends in Sharm for a house/trance party…she is a partyolic girl…I wished she was here to go out with her & Co…
I called Kiko but he had to study for exams after the Eid…and Miko is traveling with his family…and another one is studying now…and another one telling me that it is very cold outside and he feels the comfort in his house…in his bed…
what should I do now…I can not just stay at home and watch TV while eating popcorn…this could not be the day of my life…the day where I pass from a year to another…A.Y told me he will wait for his father to return home to tell him that he is going out…in other words to wait for his approval…then he will call me…mmm…I could not believe that…so I decided to go out and let’s see what will happen…
I told the taxi driver that I want to go to the Ahly club…we were on 6th October bridge when he ordered me to go out because he saw hundreds of cars waiting in lines…no time for arguing…I walked down the bridge to find a human explosion…thousands of people waiting in front of the Opera House to go to Mohamed Mounier’s concert…killing each other to buy a ticket from a small window…and policemen trying desperately to bring order to the place…someone told me he will not enter the concert because he wanted to see the fireworks…are they going to show us fireworks…great…but hey…couldn’t you see it from the concert…many teenagers got ticket from people who are already inside…a friend of them bought the ticket…35 pounds…then collected tickets from people inside and gave them to someone waiting outside through the fence…and this one give them to his friends to enter again with the same tickets…well…it is a good idea…why to buy a ticket when I can get it for free…this is not stealing…this is an Egyptian fahlawa…
I walked the Kasr El Nile bridge to see how the ordinary people enjoy this event by just sitting in front of the nile… I went then to Semiramis InterContinental Hotel to see if there is a party inside or something…it was 11:35 pm and A.Y did not call…in the elevator I was standing with people from the Egyptian high society…people I only see in television and magazines…and the glamour was shining form the party hall…and the music was excellent…when A.Y called it was 11:58pm…he told me he is waiting in front of Semiramis…the elevator did not want to come so I decided to take the emergency stairway…
Hey hey hey…stop here…what…I do not believe that…this was the last thing I could ever imagine…to spend the change from 2006 to 2007 in an empty room with no people and no voice or music...dim light and creepy atmosphere…what for an isolation…what for a loneliness…I had to take a picture of the place where I was when the clock showed 12:00…akhhhh…grrrr…bad bad bad…very bad…I will never forget this…this is a bad start…don’t be pessimistic guy…2007 is going to be a happy year…for you and for all of us…this is a good sign but you don’t understand it…
I went with A.Y to the Four Seasons Hotel…boring boring boring…a man was playing classical music and people were just eating…blah…he went to the bathroom…A.Y…don’t tell me you want to check your looks…not again…you are fine…you have to be more confident…I had a nice chat with the bathroom man…he told me he works in this bathroom for more than 8 hours a day…it was his dream to work in this hotel.…good for him…because I don’t mind to live in this bathroom….it is so elegant and beautiful…wow… A friend of A.Y called him to tell that there is a good party in a villa near Mansouria and another one in club35…should we go to Bliss…or Sangria… we decided not to go…it was late habibi…and very very very expensive…we went to the 27th floor to watch the fireworks….but there were no fireworks…mmm…what a city…hey…I want to live in a hotel…isn’t it nice to live in a hotel…to have this beautiful view of Cairo…
We went to Hard Rock Café…and guess…the ticket costs 350 pounds…no way…we just stood outside with the ordinary Egyptian youth watching sexy girls going in and out…
Then we sat in Grand Hayat hotel…we found out that everyone in Cairo was having the same problem…where to go in new year’s eve…nothing to do in this vivid city…we do not have money to go to expensive discos…people were just walking in the hotel’s lobby…and I had the feeling that everyone wanted to shout out loud: what a boring night…what a boring city…
I told A.Y : let’s go to Cairo Jazz Club…we went there...we could hear the good trance and house beats…we wanted to go in because the D.J was fabulous…the guard didn’t let us go in…he told us that this was a private party…ok man…thank you very much…good night…and good luck…

Finally we decided to go to my home…we ordered Pizza Hut which had no taste at all…although I told A.Y that it was great…because he was the one who ordered it…we ate pizza and ice cream and watched a DVD movie…American Beauty…and then his parents called him…so he had to go home…

He stood in front of my doorstep and said:brrr…it is soooo brrr cold outside…Happy new year…I hope you had a good time today

...we heard the fireworks boom…and I gave him a big smiley face

The Massacre

Happy first م.ج.د.ع anniversary…the Gameet El Dowal El Arabia massacre…the proof of death on this land…I think people have learnt that death anywhere else is merciful and less humiliating than here…we are selfish by nature…shame on you…we don’t like our neighbors…shame on you…we don’t want to be dirty than we already are…we like to watch and not act…we don’t like to admit that we have done something wrong...we know that we are eating donkey meat but we want to convince ourselves that we are eating shawerma…we say they are not human beings…they have a black skin and behave like animals…they had outdoor sex and we don’t want our children to see that…yak yak yakh…they slept and pissed on the beautiful flowers of our Gameet El Bool El Arabia Garden…what a pity…where are these flowers if we can not smell our awful sweat…we did not mean to kill them…we just wanted to eliminate them from this planet…because they do not deserve to live…why should they live if they don’t have a meaning in life…we don’t care if they die or even get eaten by the animals they are living with…because we are eating shawerma and not donkey meat…and nobody have told you that we are racists…hey guys…we are being killed everyday…why should we feel sorry for them if we already have a dead heart…they were the cowards who fled from the killing and tough life in Sudan…who wanted to find a peaceful place to live in…they wanted to be relocated to any other country than Sudan…they knew that if they stayed in Sudan they will be killed…but they did not know that they are going to be executed by us…that they are going to be dragged across the street…and that their women are going to be beaten…and that their newborn babies are going to be squeezed in that mess…in front of the international media…and in front of us…they deserve what have happened to them…they are all piece of shit…and had a mind of stone…they did not want to accept any other solutions…they wanted their wishes to be fullfilled…how selfish they are…they don’t only deserve to be killed…they deserve to be thrown in fire…shame on you…shame on us…shame on me…it is great that their hard death have been witnessed by us…because this is the proof that we have eaten donkey meat and not shawerma…the whole world is moving now to find an effective solution for the war in Darfur…and what are we doing…well…we are holding candles…you know they were refugees…but what you don’t know...I am a refugee too…so where should I go…

I put off all my grief

Is it country music, is it jazz, is it rock music or indie or even folk, I think it is all of it put in a new envelope and presented with so much passion and love…the multitalented Sufjan ( singer ,writer ,painter ,graphic designer, photographer and founder of his own language which is now spoken by only 2 other people ) used his style of music to tell his stories , history and facts…with so so simple melodies that can’t come out of your mind…it has the same effect of James Blunt but maybe more experimental and classical…I could not imagine a song like a theatrical play or a film with emotional interpretations of “John Wayne” with Sufjan Stevens crying or sighing…for me it is easy now to notice his songs by his banjo playing and whispering voice…from the mystic song “A Good Man Is Hard To Find” to the more happy one “Chicago” …from the first track “Concerning The UFO Sighting Near Highland” to the lovely “Windows Of Paradise” you will take a tour de Illinois in his most acclaimed album…I don’t know if he could make his dream come true…after Illinois and Michigan…to write an album for each of the 50 states of America…today we will sing “ O Come O Come Emmanuel” and “That was the Worst Christmas Ever”... no...well there is no snow in Cairo…Merry Christmas

أنا لابسه بدله رقص ... و فى بيت دعاره

لما الموظف يرجع اخر النهار همدان و مش طايق نفسه و يلاقى ام العيال جياله تقوله الواد محتاج ياخد درس خصوصى و البت عاوزه شنطه جديده بدل اللى اتقطعت و جبتلك موز و برتقان و موستافاندى و كمان كيلو كوسه علشان اعملهم محشى و ايدك بقه عالفلوس...حايجيلو منين بقه شهوه علشان ينام مع مراته... يا عينى همه الشويه اللى كانوا بعد شهر العسل و الشويه اللى جاب بيهم العيال... و خلاص على كده... بيتفرج على الافلام الاجنبيه فى التالافازيون و الافلام الثقافيه عالدش و يقول الناس دول بيعملوا الحاجات دى ازاى... و يفتكر يا عين امه انه مابيعرفش و محتاجله برشام والا علاج هرمونافسى... ما طول النهار دايخ فى البلد و جاله يييه ميت مره اكتئاب... الضغط يا بيه... الضغط و السكر هوه اللى مضيعنا... ما مالظروف الاقتصاديه و السياسيه اللى فى البلد... مش شايف البلد بقت عامله ازاى... يجيلى انا نفس منين بقه... الست تقول لك ده الراجل بييجى مالشغل عالسرير طوالى... مش عالشانى السيكو سيكو ... ده عالشان ينام... و كل يوم بالنظام ده...دى بقت عيشه تقرف... طب بص بس على كرشه و انت تعرف كل حاجه... تسأل الراجل فينك يا روميو... فين الرومانتيكا... يقوللك هوه انا حيلتى اللضه... طب فين بتوع ميلودى... ده لما بصحى من النوم على وش الست اللى جنبى بشعرها اللى عامل زى سلك المواعين و جسمها اللى بقه عامل زى جبال الهيمالايا بس من غير تضاريس بيجيلى خضه و اقول انتى مين... انتى مين... دانا مراتك يا معلم... مش عارف كنت شارب ايه لما اتجوزت البتاعه ده... يعنى استخدمه ازاى ده دالوقتى... يعنى اسفر العيال عند ام امهم علشان يخلالنا الجو... وا روح افسح ام العيال عالكرنيش و اكلها دره و جيلاتى...اجى اقوللها ياللا بينا بقه عالبيت ورانا شغل... تقوللك ورانا ايه...ورانا ايه... الجو ادام النيل هنا احسن يا محسن... و لما الوقت ياخدهم و يتأخروا و يرجعوا بسرعه عالبيت قبل ما تيته تجيب العيال... ياخدها تيك اواى تقول له ماينفعش السيستم ده معايه... انا محتاجه لسه... يقوللها محتاجه ايه يا وليه... ما خلاص... تقول له خلاص ايه يا محسن... دول ماكملوش دقيقه... زمان كنت خمسه... دالوقتى بقيت دقيقه... فينك يا محسن... ليه كده يا محسن... يقوم يقول لها هومه دول اللى عندى... عاجبيك و لا اطلقك... تقول له...لا... إلا الطلاق...تهون عليك العشره... تسمع ماما ماما... يقوللها يلا فزى قومى شوفى العيال... طب لو تو كابلز عايشين فى اوضه متر فى متر... و جابولهم عيال و مش عارفين يسرفوهم... يا ترى يعملوا ايه... انا باقترح يخدوا داى اوف سويت فى موفينبيك الهرم علشان ما فيش حد مالعيال يعرف هوه حصل ايه و لا فيه ايه... او يقولوا للعيال روحوا جيبوا شوكولاته من المحل اللى بعيد بعيد ده... بس الواد سيد مش عاوز يمشى مالبيت... يا واد امشى... بطل رخامه ياض... امشى بقه لاحسن اخللى ابوك يضربك... يقوم يعمل نفسه ماشى و يستخبى فى بير السلم... بعد شويه يسمع صوت امه بتصوت... يجرى جرى و يروح داخل الاوضه فجأه و يقول مالك يا امه

التطور الطبيعى للحاجه الساقعه

تعتبر اللغة العربية من أجمل لغات العالم ، و لكن فى الفتره الأخيره حدث تغير ملحوظ فى استخدام المرء لهذه اللغة الجميلة ، ليس فقط فى الكتابة و إنما ايضا فى الحياة الفكرية و الثقافية و السياسية ، و هذا التغير اثر بالطبع فى الشعر العربى ، و لن انسى سنوات المدرسة التى تعلمت فيها قواعد هذه اللغة و لاسيما النحو ، و لكن يبدو أن النحو ليس له موقع للاعراب فى يومنا هذا ، فالفتحه و الكسره و الضمه توفوا، بدون ان نحزن ، و الشده هى الاخرى ، و كما يلاحظ تغير فى استخدام اللغة العربية من اجل التواصل و التحاور، يلاحظ ايضا استخدام مفردات جديده فى زمن العولمه ، نوت اونلى فى مصر ، و لكن فى بلاد عربية آخرى ، و عندما بدأت فى الكتابة فى هذا البلوج ، كنت أفكر أن اكتب فيها باللغة العربية الفصحى ، بوت وجدت انها سوف تكون تقيله شويه عالقلب و بيئه ، و بعدين كده ولا كده الكلام اللى بقه الشباب بيقولوه لبعض بقه كلام مش مفهوم خالص وانا مدام واد شاب منهم... خلاص بقه كبر ، و الموضه الجديده إن الشباب الكوول دول عملوا لنفسهم انسيكولوبيديا الكلام الروش طحن ، فشخوا اللغه بتاعتهم ، بس لازم ناخد بالنا يا جماعه إن التطور اللى حصل ده خطير مووت على اللغه الاساسيه بتاعتنا ، قصدى اللى كانت بتاعتنا ، آه قصدى بالالف مش بالقاف ، و لو فضلنا كل شويه نغير فى الكلامص اللى اينا بينيستاخدامه ، هانليكا اينا احينا موشى فخمونى بعض بنا كوكو كيك ، فتت ستا حاحه ، اكد اكد شش فهمومى حاحه ، احيك بجد احيك ، فيك يابنو امك مالها ، فشخ

An Egyptian Film

Dawlat woke up at 8:00…Dawlat has to be in the college at 8:15…there is no time to make breakfast…Dawlat gave her son money to buy biscuits when he is in school…in the elevator Dawlat met her neighbor but they didn’t exchange words…in her Fiat 128 car Dawlat ate chips and threw the bag from the window…the chips bag fell in the middle of the street…the street cleaner moved the chips bag with the broom to the traffic lamp…her son bought a kidney sandwich…the street cleaner stood under the traffic lamp waiting for tips…the black Mercedes car stopped...her son did not go to school…someone threw 10 pounds from an almost closed black window…Dawlat came late to the lesson after spending half an hour searching for a parking place…her husband woke up at 10:00… her son then finished the cigarette and threw it…the street cleaner picked up the 10 pounds from the ground…Dawlat wrote a question on the board and asked her students to answer it…as usual her husband is alone in the house…her son was playing football with his friends in the street…her husband was full of sweat after being squeezed for an hour in the public bus…the question is : how can we prevent pollution in Cairo?…the hotel manager told her husband to prepare the food quickly for the foreigners…her son saw the black Mercedes car…Dawlat went to the college cafeteria to drink coffee and read the newspapers…her husband had no time to wash the salad and brought the food to the foreigners…her son played with the Mercedes sign and broke it… Dawlat collected the written answers from the students…Dawlat was not in good mood to give a lesson today...she smiled to the husband…the husband smiled back…her son scratched the black Mercedes car with the key…the owner of the black Mercedes saw her son…her son ran from him…the owner of the black Mercedes saw her son lying in the middle of the street crying…after the work the husband went with her to their room in the hotel…on her way home Dawlat gave the street cleaner the written answers…people searched for the car that hit him…the neighbor saw people carrying her son to the hospital…people asked the neighbor if he could call Dawlat…the neighbor did not know the number…the street cleaner was angry because Dawlat did not give him money…Dawlat did not find her son in the house… Dawlat did not find her neighbor…Dawlat went to the school but it was closed…her husband did not find anyone in the house…he was tired so he slept…the foreigners had to be carried to the hospital…the neighbor went to the house and told her husband about his son…her husband told Dawlat that he is going to the hospital…her husband found his son in the section for food poisoning…the foreigners were also in the same room…the husband saw her…Dawlat ran to her son crying…the foreigners told the doctor that the husband made the food…the doctor told her that she has aids…she told Dawlat that she slept with her husband.

Doritos

Warning
This is not an advertisement
again…this is not an advertisement…
I will repeat again…this is not an advertisement…ok…
so…mmm…fff…well…I want to say that I hate Doritos…what is Doritos…Doritos is something in a bag like chips with spices and cheese taste…or with sweet chilli pepper...a new theory has proven that Doritos has filled some empty holes in everyone who ate it in Egypt…to feel the air filled Doritos- bag in your hand…to hear the sound of breath escaping from the bag when you open it…when you put your hand inside the bag and feel the depth of the room to pick one triangle…to lift one triangle up in the sky directing it towards the opening of you mouth…but before it enters.. your teeth attacks the triangle and destroy it in small tiny pieces…you can hear the crunchy scream of these helpless pieces in your ears…then these pieces float desperately in the saliva of your mouth…being tortured by the punches of your tongue…before they face their unknown destination…whatever…I don’t know why every time I go to a kiosk to buy something to eat…I buy Doritos…Doritos…hum hum hum…Doritos in orange…or Doritos in blue…mmm…and the point is…my colleagues eat also Doritos…my private teacher eats Doritos…and the taxi driver eats Doritos…and the big surprise…ta ta ta taan…my grandmother eats Doritos…before we ate Cheetos…now it is Doritos…it is like koshary but for the poor… middle…and high society classes…a mid-day snack that combines the bread taste of breakfast with the grilled chicken smell of the dinner…to be short…it is the thing you can eat when you are most of the day at work or waiting for something to happen…and you are not that hungry but want to put something delicious in your mouth…hey…why is everyone eating Doritos in my college…one friend told me he believes that they have put something addictive in its taste…when one bag is finished…he goes and buys another one…I told him - same here ya tutu...ok… another one was joking by telling me that when we see the triangular shape of Doritos…we remember our pyramids…niah niah niah …very funny…a man was so afraid that one day he could wake up and could not find any Doritos left on planet earth…he could have a heart attack and die…so he decided to buy 74 boxes filled with Doritos bags and open them all to see the yellow bags bulging from the boxes…ya ragel mesh a7san men sagaier golobatra...so what…the fact is…it is not expensive…in my case…when I am lazy to cook rice or spaghetti to eat it with fried chicken…I just buy 3 bags Doritos on my way home from college…Doritos and being fat…Doritos is not healthy...Doritos and getting cancer…I do not want to hear these things…I don’t care…I want to enjoy eating something without thinking of the consequences…so why do I hate Doritos…well...I don’t know…I just hate it…maybe someone can tell me

hUMAN rIGHTS dAY

Everyone in this country should have this booklet…everyone should know his rights…this is not just the start…this is one of his rights .

The Man & The Bridge

I have seen him years sitting at the same spot and painting strange complex pictures.
No doubt this man is famous and has a secret…a very rich man living in a very poor condition.
Hi - I said
He shook my hand warmly
Can I talk with you?- I said
He moved his hands aggressively telling me to go away
Why not?- I asked him
He wrote on a white paper in English –I don’t make interviews now, maybe in 3 hours.
I told him that I come from a far place just to chat with him
He gave me the white paper to write that question down
I was confused, did he understand me or did he not
Can he speak, can he hear…I don’t know

I wrote: I want to see your paintings
He wrote: I don’t show my paintings
I wrote: why not?
He wrote: where do you come from?
I lied and wrote: I am from France.
When he read that he smiled, looked provoked to me and brought a big book with mysterious signs and numbers…I saw the countries of the globe listed and each country has a specific number...he pointed at the word France which had the number 10…I don’t know what that means but I am sure it is not something good…
He wrote: I don’t speak with people from France because of political disagreements.
Then he brought another book he has written and copied the phrase-thank you for your visit , please go away –in French
I opened my wallet to show him my Egyptian identity … to prove to him that I have the Egyptian citizenship but he wrote: please come after 3 hours
I wrote: I can’t come again…

He brought a small mattress and put it on the street to make it more comfortable for me to sit
I said: thank you
I did not know if I had to speak in Arabic or in English
Then he opened a box full of chocolate, jelly cola and bonbons
He gave them all to me…I refused to take them … I told him thank you thank you…but he insisted to give it to me

Suddenly he ordered me to go away because he wanted to eat…I saw him cocking fried chicken balls…I don’t know how he made that…I showed the camera to ask if I can take a picture of him…he was angry…he was really really angry…at that point I was angry too and walked down the bridge…he followed me

posi+ive / negat-ve

MortalitycanbethegreatestMotivator.

( I ) جمهورية فسادستان المحروسة

الافتتاحـــــــــــــــــــــيه

كان يا مكان
فى يوم من الايام
و زمن من الازمان
جوه بلد من البلدان
شاب من الشبان
قال يا سلام
ليه حوت من الحيتان
كسبان و شبعان
عالكرسى ينام
و الكل جعان
نسى انه انسان
بكره فى النسيان
قوم يا جبان
قبل فوات الاوان
و همه يا جدعان
شيلوه من المكان
و ارموه فى الميدان
و اضربوه بالاقلام

قولوا بكلم كام
بكلم كل شقيان
من الهم تعبان
و نفسه فى الجان
يجيبله مرجان
و يزرعله بستان
بكل الالوان
بس يا كحيان
آن الاوان آن
مش كفايه تكون هيجان
و عالطول زعلان
و من ناسك طهئان
و على روحك قلقان
ترضى تعيش فى غيام
و تاكل اكل فسدان
و تفضل كده ضعفان
وتصبح فى يوم عيان
و تموت و انت جربان
يا اخى ده يبقى حرام
ويصعب عالكفران
نقول كمان

حيوان جبلنا الجنان
فينك بقه يا امان
لم علينا الدبان
و خلى الكل طفشان
متبهدل قرفان
مدايق غضبان
مالبلوه خلصان
كنت فى يوم فجعان
جاى تفترى كمان
طب فكر فى العطشان
ده برضك غلبان
مش زيك سكران
وهمه فى النسوان

سيبك من الاوهام
و البص فى الفنجان
اصحى يا سرحان
بينا يا شجعان
الحلم مش للكسلان
والحرية مش بس كلام
عاوزين قوه يا فرسان
نهش بيها الغربان
شمروا الاكمام
و هيلا هوبا لقدام
نغطى العريان
لا يموت بردان
و نلاقيك كده فرحان
فنعيش سوا فى سلام
والدنيا تبقى تمام

Thank god I did not die in the cinema

This is a must see movie for everyone…especially Arabs and Muslims…to understand the day that turned the world upside down...9/11...and to digest the reactions that came from the people living in the west…the American people…and their leaders…and why they are focusing now to fight terrorism all over the world…and why they are frustrated and confused…not knowing the real target …the real enemy…why they are afraid of us…and what we should do to interact with them…to prove to them that we are not what they think we are…this film shows the events that happened the day the World Trade Center collided…it shows it form two perspectives…from the airport and its connections in the USA (National Air Traffic Control Center, airport towers, regional air traffic stations, the military command room ) and from inside the cabin of the plane…the plane which was heading to the White House…to destroy it…but did not reach the target…because of the passengers...the passengers who did not know that their names will be remembered...who did not know that they are going to be heroes…who did not know that they have changed history…at some point I wanted to stop the movie and have a rest…and then continue watching this breathtaking movie...it is so real and so intense that I had the feeling that I am inside this plane…it feels like you are truly in there...with the hand-held camera moving between the seats and the documentary-no acting –style the director has used in this film…well I was afraid…and I had the fear that my heart beats could stop at any moment…because it was beating so fast during the 111 minutes of the film…and people in the theatre were also in shock…I think everyone of them- including me-will think if he or she will travel with an airplane again.

Sta Passando Novembre

this kiss in the wind
is for you
you will get it there
with another hundred ones

this is for you
this flower I chose
I will leave it there
under a covered sky

you can take the
tale of a comet and
by turning the universe
you can go away

this song is for you
Egyptian Shakira
and I don’t know
what to do next

Angor Animi

today the cat is asking herself why do i live i am sure i am not just here on earth to eat and fight with my fellow cats

محتاج حد يسمعنى سمعت حد محتاج يسمعه

خلاص ، مش قادر ، تعبت ، تعبت جدا ، مش طايق حد ، مش طايق الدنيا دى خلاص ، أنا مش عارف اعمل ايه ، مش فاهم ايه اللى بيحصل ، انا عمرى ما عليت صوتى على امى بالطريقه دى ، زعقتلها جامد ، مش قادر استحمل خلاص ، قولتلها مش قادر اشتغل و فى نفس الوقت احضر للماجيستير ، قالت لى سيب الشغل ، سيبته تروح قايلالى انت سيبت الشغل ليه ، و منين حتجيب فلوس ، ده انا بموت كل يوم فى المواصلات ، عايش فى حته مقطوعه اسمها 6 اكتوبر ، حته مافيهاش حد ، حته مهجوره و ما فيش غير كلاب ضاله ماشيه فى الشارع ، و بتاع السوبر ماركت بيقفل الساعه تسعه بالليل ، ده انا نقلت من الهرم ل6 اكتوبر بس علشان امى كانت عاوزه تعيش فى هدوء ، و الوقتى انا كل يوم باتبهدل فى المواصلات ، مافيش غير ميكروباص هوه اللى بيوصل للبيت ، و الميكروباص مالهوش مواعيد و لما يجى الناس كلها عاوزه تركبه ، لازم اروح اخده من ميدان الجيزه ، انا بادفع 20 جنيه مواصلات فى اليوم ، و كل ده علشان مرتب ب200 جنيه، اعمل ب200 جنيه دول ايه ، و بعدين عندى الجيش من اول يناير و مش عارف حاخد اعفه و لا لأ ، و بعدين لو دخلت الجيش لازم اقعد 3 سنين هناك ، و عارف حيدولى كام ، 80 جنيه فى الشهر ، يعنى تقريبا 2 جنيه و نص فى اليوم ، يعنى اكل بجنيه و اتغدى بجنيه و اتعشى بنص جنيه ، كويس انى حبطل وقتها السجاير ، المشكله ان الحمل بقه عليا كبير ، تقيل ، مش قادر خلاص ، ده انا نقلت انا و امى من شقه الهرم ل6 اكتوبر علشان اخويه الكبير يتجوز فيها ، و اخويه ما بيسألش عليه خالص ، مابنشفهوش ، هوه فين ، مش امى مسئوليته برضه و بعدين ده هوه الكبير ، عملت انا ايه بالشهاده بتاعت الجامعه ، واحد خريج كليه تربيه رياضيه و مش لاقى شغل ، انا حاسس انى ولا حاجه ، انسان مالهوش قيمه ، كان نفسى ابقى ضابط ، روحت قدمت ورقى مع اكتر من 1000 واحد و انا عارف انهم مش حايخدوا غير 10 ، و اللى جاى معاه واسطه و اللى معاه حد سانده ، و انا كنت واقف فى الطابور علشان اسلم الورق لوحدى و انا عارف انهم مش حايخدونى ، انا لوحدى ، ابويا مات و ماليش سند

- و بدأت عينيه تمتلأ بالدموع

قال الاستاذ فى الكليه بيضحك و يقوللى هوه انت فاكر انك حتتعلم حاجه بالماجستير اللى انت بتعمله ده ، ده شويه ورق و شهادات مالهاش قيمه خلاص فى الزمن ده ، شوفت ، انا ماليش اى قيمه ، و يقوللى كمان رايح تضيع 200 جنيه مصاريف دروس انجليزى فى الجامعه الامريكيه ، ده انت كان ممكن تصاحبلك بت اجنبيه و تربط منها شويه كلام انجليش ، طب سيبونى اسافر ، مش عاوز اقعد فى البلد دى ، كل حته اروحه أو عاوز اقدم لشغل يقوللك عاوزين موقفك من التجنيد ، عاوزينك تخدم وطنك ، اخدمها على ايه ، هيه عاملتلى ايه الوطن ده علشان اضحى نفسى عشانها ، مش عاوز ادخل الجيش ، مش عارف اروح حته ، حاسس انى مسجون و مالناش حد فى عيليتنا بيسأل علينا ، انا ماليش اهل من اساسو ، ماليش ، ده اخويه من بعد ما اتجوز و هوه اكنه مالهوش ام و لا اخ ، قاعدلى بس هناك فى الشقه ين**ك فى مراته و سايبنى فى اللى انا فيه ، قال البت فى النادى بتقوللى انت عارف ليه انا مش عاوزه ارتبط بيك، علشان انت مدرب رياضه ، قال مدرب رياضى بقت شتيمه
- و سقطت دمعه من عينه
انا ولا حاجه ، زيرو ، مش عاوز اشوف اى بت تانى ، خلاص مابقاش ليه نفس خلاص ، انا مش قادر اعيش فى الشقه بتاعت 6 اكتوبر دى ، انا احسنلى اعيش فى بيوت الشباب ب5 جنيه فى اليوم عن البهدله اللى انا فيها دى ، انا لازم ابيع المحل ، دى الحاجه الوحيده الى انا وارثها من والدى الله يرحمه ، بس انا مش عارف ابيع المحل ده ازاى ، معنديش خبره فى الحاجات دى ، و ادورلى على شقه ايجار أو تمليك ، و امى بقه عليها تختار ، إلا تيجى إلا ماتجيش ، طول النهار تقوللى اقعد معاها ، علشان قال ايه حاسسه بالوحده ، و بعدين لما اقوللها انى محتاج فلوس تقوللى مش انت اتخرجت خلاص ، انت بقيت راجل ، روح شوفلك شغلانه ، انت عارف انا تعبان ليه كمان ، علشان مش لاقى حد اقول له اللى جوايه ، كل صحابى مش موجودين و انا فى الوضع اللى انا فيه ده ، انا اكتشفت على فكره ان كل صحابى مصاحبيننى علشان مصلحه ، حاجه تقرف يا اخى ، انت مش عارف ريحتنى ازاى لما حكيتلك اللى جوايه ، كفايه انك سمعت اللى عندى ، ما تتخيلش ازاى انا مبسوط دالوقتى ، انا مش باين عليا علشان انا بقالى 3 تيام ما نمتش ، بس انا نفسيتى اتحسنت من قعدتى معاك ، مش لاقى اى هدف فى حياتى خلاص ، انا حاسس بوحده شديده ، انا مش قادر خلاص ، تعبت جدا من اللى انا فيه ، بتعذب كل ساعه و كل ثانيه و كل يوم ، بررر ، الجو برد جدا ، يلا بينا نقوم نتمشى شويه

مقطتف من حسو و هوه بيفضفضلى امبارح الساعه اتنين بالليل فى النادى

Ladies and Gentlemen

“Ladies and gentlemen, Captain Mohamed speaking, we have started our decent, please make sure your seat backs and tables are in their upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened. Please turn off all electronic devices until we are safely parked at the gate. Thank you.”

Passengers on board did not know that the captain was facing a big problem; the landing gear failed to drop the front wheel properly and was locked.

The captain contacted the airport to inform them about the problem.
The airport manager wanted to prepare the gliding foam but not to declare emergency.
He was thinking: Oh my god, this is not an international airport, this airport is very small and there are many poor cafés and restaurants all long the runway…many people will die… should I send them to another airport…but what about the fuel?
Ehh…this could be my last mission in this job…oh no…many people will die…my name will be mentioned in newspapers…oh…my face will be shown in the media…and my carrier is…/ “ captain Mohamed speaking…we tried to move the gear down manually but could not be sure if it is all down or not.”

They flew low so officials on the ground there could visually confirm that the wheel was down and in right position to start landing…

And it was.

Captain Mohamed told the passengers: “Please make sure one last time your seat belt is securely fastened.”
The plane landed safely.Everyone clapped.
The airport manager took a deep breath, smiled and said:”el hamd lellah…AHMEDAK YA RAB”

“On behalf of the entire crew, it has been pleasure serving you today and we are looking forward to see you in one of our future flights. Have a nice day and thank you."

No one of the passengers knows what happened this day…and that a new chapter of their lives has been written.

Based on true events that happened last week in Egypt near Alexandria.

catch me if you can

Yesterday a little grey mouse entered my room…I was sitting in front of the TV watching Snatch and eating nutella sandwiches when I saw him running und hiding under my bed. I am not one of those people who get a shock if they see a mouse but I do not like to sleep in the dark and wake up on a tingling sensation under my boxers and find this little mouse playing with something precious to me.
I moved slowly and closed the door of my room…put some newspapers under the door to make it impossible for him to escape…and called the housekeeper to come and help me catch this creature.

We both entered the room and tried to be quiet to hear his movements and find where he hides.
My room is a big mess where everything is not in order and it will be very difficult for both of us to see or catch him…clothes all around…books…toys…plastic bags filled with things I do not need.
It was 1 am …the housekeeper gave up and left me alone in this unpleasant situation. I went to the pharmacy to buy a mouse poison but did not find it…they told me they do not sell it now because many people use it to kill their partners or enemies…so I bought this stick rat thing.

I brought a piece of wood and put cheese in the middle of it…and then I put the glue all around the cheese and went back to my room to put this trap under the television.
I had to sleep that night on the floor of my guest room.
Next morning I entered my room to find the cheese eaten…but where is this mouse? Why didn’t he stick in the glue?
I only have found his foot steps marked on the glue…I was very angry.

I went to my college thinking all the day: how can I catch this f***ing mouse. I thought I am smarter!
Am I smarter?
Then…I had a good idea…I brought a piece of ceramic and put chicken with cheese in the middle of it (yum yum yum)… then glue all around…and then some flour to see where he hides if he did not stick to the glue.Should I buy a cat to watch tom & jerry live…or should I accept this cute new friend to live with me in peace and harmony…let’s see mighty mouse habibi…who’s gonna win.

اهلا بالتحرش... وعقبال الاغتصاب

انا مبسوط جدا جدا من كل الشباب اللى اشترك فى حركه السعار الجنسى فى وسط البلد ، ومش فاهم الناس كلها هايجه على الموضوع ده ليه و زعلانين ده بدل لما يفرحوا بيهم و يدوا لكل واحد فيهم نيشان مع مرتبه الشرف أو جايزه عمالين يشتموا فيهم فى الجرايد و التلفزيون ، اول مره الشباب يعمل حاجه ، يعمل حاجه هوه بجد عاوز يعملها ، و مش كل شاب لوحده لأ ده الكل مشاركه جماعيه مع بعض ، قالوا دين بقه ايه و قيم ايه و بلا نيله فى العادات الهبله و التقاليد العقيمه ، و انسى ياض الناس و الشرطه ، نركز فى مهمه" نط عليه" ، الناس بيقولوا فين الرجاله يحموا البنات اللى ماشيه فى الشارع ، يا جماعه الرجاله بجد همه اللى راحوا يتحرشوا بالستات ادام عيون الرايح و اللى جاى ، رجاله بحق و حقيقى ، قال ممكن تبقى البنت دى اختك أو بنتك ، و الست دى مراتك أو أمك ، الكلام الهابوللى اللى عامل زى الاعلانات اللى مصدعنا ليل نهار ده ، وأيه يعنى ، طظ ، أنا معجب جدا بالشباب دول ، شباب اخد القرار بشجاعه ، و اللى كان خايف خادله برشام ، و نزلوا تأفيش فى البنات ، اهوهومه دول الشباب اللى محتاجين ناخدهم مثل اعلى لكل شاب خايب مش لاقي شغلانه فى البلد يعملها و قاعد يهشلى فى الدبان ، عاوزين بقه نتعلم من الشباب دول ازاى كانوا منظمين يوم الحركه التقفيشيه و منين جابوا الشجاعه الجنسيه ، الشباب دول بالرغم من انهم ممكن يكون كتير منهم بسطاء بس قلبوا الدنيا بفكرهم الحر النبيل ، و خلوا الاخرس يتكلم ، و وسائل الاعلام تحلل ظروفهم ، و القاعدين عالقهوه يتكلموا عنهم ، وبتوع البلوجينج يتشهروا بيهم ، و شويه ناس تقف وقفه احتجاجيه علشانهم ، زلزلوا الشارع كله ، واو، و اثبتوا ان الناس تافهه و ما تصدق و تلزق فى مصيبه و واحد اتنين تلاته يالا نولول سوا سوا ، و لما تتكلم عنها تتكلم تتكلم لغايه لما ترجع ، ترجيع فكرى ، البلوجز جالها سعار بلوججى من كتر الكتابه عن السعار الجنسى ، برافو عليهم ، مش بس علشان عملوا اللى فى دماغهم ، علشان عملوه صح بحب و اخوه و اخلاص و حطوا فيه كل طاقاتهم و ده كله فى نفس الوقت و بنفس التكتيك ، الكل يحوط عالبت و خش عليه ، شباب هايل خللى الدكاتره تعمل ابحاث عنهم ، هنجوا السيستم كله ، انا كنت خايف اتكلم عن الموضوع ده لاسيستم بتاعى يهنج برضه ، شوفتوا ازاى خلونى اتكلم عنهم ، شوفتوا ازاى عملوا تريند جديد ، اسم بلوجى مبتكر ، قال سوعار قال جين سى ، بيرايلوا جنس ، جنان الشباب دول يجننوا ، البلد دى كانت محتاجه للعمالوه الشباب دول علشان تفوق، و الناس تتحرك ، و انت يا بت انت و هيه ياللى خايفيين تمشوا فى الشوارع تانى ماتخافوش ، ده كان بس تهويش ، و اى بت حصلها حاجه اليوم ده بنقوللها معلش امساحيها فينا ، ماهو لازم يكون فى ضحايا و كبش فداء علشان الخبر يفرقع ، و فعلا فرقع ، واى بت وحشه أو مش وحشه كان نفسها تتعاكس و يتقفش فيها اليوم ده بنقوللها ماتزعليش يا ماما ، الجايات جيه كتير، بس على كبير ، كبير اوى ، اهلا و سهلا بيك يا جنس ، و عقبال السياسه... و قول ورايا : العنب العنب العييييينب

ما كتب فى الموضوع لا يمت بصله لرأى ولد شاب الشخصى عن السعار الجنسى فى وسط البلد، السيستم ضرب،و شكرا لميكو

خ خ خ

اليوم تبدأ الانطلاقه الكبرى

اسهال

المشهد الأول

:رساله للضابط اللى واقف على باب كليتى
ليه ضربتنى؟
ليه جرتنى على الارض فى التراب؟
ليه حسستنى انى خرئه وسخه بتمسح بيها الارض؟
ليه ادتلى بوكس فى دماغى؟
على فكره الضربه وجعتنى جدا
ليه خلتنى امسك دموعى علشان منظرى مايبقاش وحش ادام زمايلى؟
ليه قطعتنى التى شيرت اللى كنت لابسه؟
ليه زعقت فى وشى جامد و شتمتنى ؟
كل ده علشان انا طالب علم عاوز ادخل كليتى؟
كل ده علشان انا وريتك الكارنيه بتاع الكليه؟
هوه انا عدوك و انا مش عارف؟
و بعدين كنت عاوز تعمللى محضر فى كليتى ليه؟
هوه انا مش زى ابنك برده؟
مش قادر احكى لأى حد عن اللى حصل لى ده
انا حاسس انى جربوع

المشهد الثانى

و انا قاعد فى السينما لقيت شباب كتير قاعد ورايا عمالين يهزروا و يتكلموا بصوت عالى فلما ابتدى الفيلم قولتلهم: ممكن تبطلوا كلام من فضلكم فراح واحد قال لى: بص ادامك يله قولتله: ليه الغلط ده قال لى واحد تانى: هوه ده الكلام و لو مش عاجبك اطلع من السينما

المشهد الثالث

و بعدين روحت قسم عابدين بعد الساعه واحده بالليل علشان اعمل محضر باللى حصل فجالى ضابط وان يسألنى على اللى حصل فحكتله فقال لى استنى خمس دقائق و بعدها جالى ضابط توو يسألنى على اللى حصل فحكتله فقال لى استنى خمس دقائق و بعدها جالى ضابط ثرى و بعدها ضابط وان تانى و بعدها ضابط فور و بعدها ضابط توو تانى و بعدها ضابط وان تالت وقعدت فى القسم ساعتين و بعدين جالى ضابط توو و قال لى اجى بكره الصبح احسن و اعمل المحضر فاجيت اليوم اللى بعده و حصل اللى مكتوب فوق ده بس اوس تلاته و كل لما احكى على اللى حصل احس انى زهقت من اللى حصل و احسن لى انسى اللى حصل و اروح البيت... اللى حصل انى رحت لواحد فى سوق الكهربه علشان يعمل لى اباجورات مودرن ديزاين و حدد لى يوم و ميعاد معين اخودها فيه و خد منى عربون و خليته يمضى على الكارت بتاعه انه خد منى الفلوس دى و لما جه اليوم والميعاد الساعه عشره بالليل جبت عربيه تشيل الاباجورات بس الراجل قال لى لسه ساعه و حاتخلص... العربيه اللى انا كنت جايبها مشيت و فضلت قاعد على رصيف فى شارع عبد العزيز اكل فى دوريتوس لغايه لما خلصت الساعه و روحت للراجل لقيته مش موجود فى المحل فاستنيته ساعتين كمان لغايه ما جه الساعه واحده و قال لى انه ماعملش الاباجورات فقولت له خلاص مش مشكله ورينى الاباجورات التانيه اللى عندك فقال لى لأ مش حاوريك هوه انت حاتشغلنى على مزاجك قولتله طب خلاص حات العربون اللى انا اديتهولك علشان اروح قال لى لا مش حاديهولك قولتله ازاى يعنى مش حاتديهولى قال لى اهوه كده بقه شغل بلطجه و بدأ الشتايم و صوتنا على و الناس اللى فى المنطقه كلها اتلمت حولينا و اللى على القهوه اللى قدامه قاموا و لقيت الناس كلها واقفه معاه وادبهدلت فى الحته و كرامتى راحت و مارجعتش فاروحت ماشى من الزحمه على القسم

المشهد الرابع

الشغاله جت علشان تنظف البيت و بعد نص ساعه لقيت أنا حد بيضرب على جرس الباب جامد جدا ففتحت الباب لقيت الجاره اللى ساكنه ادامى و عمرى ما باشوفها بتقوللى هيه مين الست اللى دخلت الشقه عندك دى دالوقتى قولتلها دى الشغاله و حاولت تبص من فوق راسى و من جنبى على اى حد فى الشقه قولتلها اتفضلى حضرتك قالتلى لأ انا بس كنت عاوزه اطمن عليك

المشهد الخامس

كان عندى ميعاد مع الدكتور المشهور ابو كشف بتمانين جنيه فى العياده اللى فى وسط البلد فلما روحت لقيت عيانين قاعدين و نايمين على سلالم العماره بيولولوا و بيترجوا حد يفتحلهم العياده فحاولت ادخل لقيت التمرجى منعنى من الدخول و رزع الباب فى وشى و فتح شباك صغير فى الباب يسألنى انا عاوز ايه فلقيت ناس كتيره قاعده جوه فاقولتله انى عندى ميعاد مع الدكتور النهارده قال لى ادفع الحلاوه عشرين جنيه الأول و انا ادخلك بكره إن شاء الرحمن

المشهد السادس

كنت ماشى فى النادى ادور على مكان مناسب اذاكر فيه لقيت فجأه راجل بيشتمنى بالأب و الأم من غير ما اجى جنبه و بيقوللى انى انا بابص على مراته اللى شايله عيل و إن انا كده بعاكسها فامردتش عليه و كان جنبى عضو نادى استاذ جامعى شاهد باللى حصل فكتب معايه شكوى لرئيس النادى عن العضو ده فقالوا لما يجوا ينظروا فيها حيكلمونى على الموبايل فامحدش كلمنى خالص فارحت بعدها علشان اشوف الشكوى قالولى روح شوفها فى الارشيف فارحت عند الست بتاعت الشكاوى فقعدت تدور بين ورق مبعتر فى الأرض و فى دواليب و قالت لى : معلش ، شكوتك مش موجوده

المشهد السابع

بعد لما التاكسى وصلنى الكليه قولتله معاك جنيه قال لى ايوه ليه؟ قولت له علشان اديك خامسه و تديلى جنيه فقال لى : ماشى فأديتله خمسه فاخدهم فقولتله فين الجنيه قال لى مافيش جنيه و اعمل اللى ما بدالك و اعلى ما فى خيلك اركبه ففتحت باب التاكسى و نزلت

نصائح لولد شاب

خد الموضوع ببساطه و خليك ايزى موزو وكبر يا اخى شويه -
هوه انت عاوز تغير الناس كلها ، متغير نفسك الأول -
لازم تحاول تتأقلم مع المجتمع اللى انت عايش فيه -

يعنى الناس كلها اللى غلط وانت اللى صح ، انت اللى غلط و ستين غلط -

انت محتاج حد يفهمك الدنيا على حقيقتها -

انت عبيط -
على فكره انت شكلك بتجيب لنفسك مشاكل و انت انسان تافه ، مالناس كلها عايشه زى الفل -
انت عمال تدور على النكد و خلاص ، متدور على الحاجات الحلوه ياد-
انت يا بنى ما تنفعش فى البلد دى خالص -