Der Brandstifter

Der Feuerwehrmann bekämpft jeden Tag seine selbstgelegte Brände.
(wahres Ereigniss)

شرم اوطه

بمناسبه انتهاء موسم (التنطيط ثم القذف) و بعد ما اتضحك علينا انا و صحابى و اخدنا بومبه احب ان اعرضلهم جزء من محاضره مدام فوزيه سوتيان من ندوه "كيف تربى حيواناتك المنويه" خلال فعاليات المؤتمر الثالث لاكاديميه الطهاره

__________
انا باشكوى كل اللى بايكلى على المنصب الجديد و بقول تانى زى ما قلت فى المؤتمى اللى فات انى يهمنى اوى الإيتقاء بمستوى الطالبات اللى فى الاكاديميه ، علشان الاكاديميه لما انشئت كان هدفها الاساسى اعداد الطلبه لمواجهه متطلبات سوق العمل ، و علشان كده انا بمناسبه انى بقيت المسئوله عن الاكاديميه ، انا حضايت مفاجأه ايجو انها تسعد كل الطلبه اللى عندى

احنا فتحنا فايع جديد فى شايع جامعه البول جنب الباطل بعد فيوع الهايم و المحوى و سيكس اكتوبي و الحى السبعتاشى ، بس فى الفايع الجديد دخلنا كويسات و انشطه جديده ايجو ان تفاي ياح طالباتى الاحباء

اولا: كويس اتيكيت الشيمطه
ثانيا: كويس كيف تمشى المشى البطال
ثالثا: كويس الطويوق الثيكثاويه لجذب العميل
يابعا:كويس كيف تحافظى على عذييتك

انا فى الفتيه الاخييه لاحظت إن الشغل خلتوه مش بالليل اوى و ده كويس يا بناتى علشان تيجعوا البيت بديى لأهاليكوا ، و خاصا ان كتيي منكم مش بقوا بس من مستوى اجتماعى واطى ، لأ ، من عائلات الهاى اوى اوى ، بس اللى مش عاجبنى ان فى بعض منكم بيلف ايشايب حولين ياسه مش عايفه ليه ، مالهاش لازمه خالص و مش لايقه على المينى جيب ، و لكن الجميل انى سمعت ان كتيى منكم الوقتى بقى بيشتغل بالكييديت كايد و الانتاينت

وعلشان التطوى الملحوظ ده اللى انا شايفاه ، آه ه ه ه ، و حساه ، آ ه ه ه ه ، النقابه حتعمل يحله اخر الشاهي ببلاش للعجمى لاحسن يمضان قايب خلاص

و هدفنا فى المايحله اللى جايه اننا نصدى للخايج لإن المنتج بتاعنا ممكن ينافس فى الاسواق العالميه و بقوه ، و علشان ما خبيش عليكم مستوانا قل اوى فى السنتين اللى فاتوا

و لازم كمان نستمى فى التعاون مع السماسيه و اليجاله اللى فيهم كل الشهامه و سهيانين طول الليل علشان يحميكم و يحمونى
و دى بوسه فى الهوا منى ليهم... مووواه

يووه كنت حانسى ، و عملت نظام متطوى للتأمين الصحى علشان يعالج اى واحده فيكم لو جلها ميض كده و الا كده

و فى الاخي احب اقول نصيحه بسيطه لبناتى الاعزاء

سيبيك يا بت انتى و هيه من المصييين ، حاتعملى مع المصييين ايه يعنى ، دول مش لاقيين ويك فايخه عيانه ياكلوه ، و الا مايه يشيبوه ،حايجوا و يأكلوكى و يشيبوكى انتى ، و كفايه انهم طيبين ، سيبيهم فى حالهم ، خشى على الاخوه الاشقاء ، دول اللى معاهم قيشين ينفعوكى فى الزمن المهبب ده ، و ما تتغطيش على نفسك مع واحد مش عاجبك ، كلهم واقفيين طوابيي بالعيبيات مستنيين بس كلمه اه منك ، نقى بالياحه و على كيفك يا اختى

و مش حاوصيكى ، قولى الشعاى بتاعنا قبل ما تتطلعى للشغل بالليل ، اللى هوه

اوعى تنسى الواقى الذكايى ، لاحسن اجلك يجى بادايى
__________

طبعا الواحد بيتعلم من اخطائه ، و لو كان ده طيش شباب ، فالواحد كل مره بيزداد خبره ، و نصيحه بقه من عندى : اوعى تدفع اى حاجه حتى لو قالت لك ده بس عربون ، اوعى تدفع و الا النص و الا الربع و الا التلت حتى ، و زى ما بيقولوا ، الدفع عند الاستلام

كلمه للوليتا اى جى_85 :ربنا يخرب بيتك

ك* **ك

و كلمه لبوزو : ماتزعلش ، و مش كفايه يا اخى ان احنا قسمناها بينا ، و ليه انى اجبلك بطيخه تانيه ، بس المره الجايه مش حاتطلع قرعه ، و ده وعد رجاله

شعب ساذج

امشى ورا السهم

مبروك ... انت منهم

Apostasy Forever

Prof. G invited me to his house for dinner.
He wanted to introduce his girlfriend to me.
She is an Algerian girl in her early twenties.
I was amazed by the fact that he is sharing a small apartment with a man and a teenage boy, but is planning to buy a big house when he is ready for marriage.
While we were eating she started to talk about the difficult condition she was facing as an Arab girl that fell in love with a French Professor, or the other way round.
They solved all their other problems including the cultural differences and that he is much older than her, but there was a big problem still burning on the surface of their relationship.
She wants him to become a Moslem.
It was obvious that neither her family nor her community will accept marrying a non-Moslem man.

She tried several times to show him the beauty of Islam, to explain to him all the misconceptions about this religion and how this step will move their relationship to another level, which is marriage.
My Professor was totally convinced that this religion is all about peace and that it came to organize and enlighten people's lives and minds.
But he had only one problem, or maybe many things that he did not understand about this religion. He wanted me to clarify it to him.
This was like an explosion of questions heading towards me.

If I become a Moslem, why can't I change my religion and go back to Christianity?
Why should I be sentenced for death?
Why should my children become automatically Moslems?
Why can't they choose their religion when they are grownups?
Where is the freedom of belief?
Why can't a Moslem woman marry a non-Moslem man, but a Moslem man can marry a Christian or a Jewish woman?

His girlfriend tried to explain to him that Islam wants to protect the religion, so the children must be like their father, and if the father is not a Moslem, then how will they learn the basics of Islam, who will teach them the religion.
Children always mimic their parents.

She gave him another argument by telling him that this religion is not something to play with, if it was easy to convert from Islam to something else then this could scatter the religion's structure and strip away the bonds of the Islamic communities. This will be like an act of treason against the Ummah.
Furthermore we Moslems believe in Jesus and Moses, but you don't believe in Prophet Mohammed (Pbuh).

I looked to Prof. G and could not say a word.
Actually I was surprised with the whole conversation.
To be honest I was not prepared for something like this.
It seemed like the man wanted me to solve this dilemma, or at least find a way out of it.
But I failed.
I had so much sympathy for the girl because she was trying so hard to make the man understand her.
I was not satisfied with myself because I could not help her.
I could see it in his eyes, he was a little disappointed because at that time he felt that this relationship will never work.
I would never dare to ask him about the development of their relationship now.

While she was talking I had a strange thought running in my mind.
I put myself in his position and tried to think the way he was thinking and I felt "fear".
If I had to take this big step and convert to a religion when I know that it is a one way direction-I can not turn back-I doubt I will take this critical step in my life.

We changed the subject when his apartment- mate entered the dinner room.

On my way home I was sad and had to have this short dialogue with my heart:

Islam depends upon faith and will, about really believing in the concepts of this religion, and this would be meaningless if she forced him to become a Moslem as she was doing at that time.
Conversion should not happen with coercion.

Why should I kill someone who did not do any harm to me or to my community?
Who gave you the right to take away something so precious like the soul of a human being?
And what will the Islam gain from an act like that? Justice?

"He will be invited to express his regret for leaving Islam, and if he refuses he will be executed according to the obligations and rights of the Islamic law."

How will foreigners think about Islam now? As a heavy burden that is connected to death?
Islam is "Salam" or peace, god is merciful and killing shows the opposite of forgiveness.
Who knows, maybe after some time he will realize that he has done a mistake and will return back to Islam ?
If we kill him, then he will never have this chance again.

Or do we see that killing him is a way to help him "washing" this big sin.
Here comes the fact or the question: After his death he will return to god as a "Moslem"!?
Like someone who stole something and his hand has been cut.Now he will "not" carry the sin of stealing with him to the grave.

Religion is a pure relationship between the slave "the human being" and god, and no one should evaluate or intrude himself in this very personal connection.


And then I remembered some friends of mine in Egypt who are Moslems but do not do anything related to Islam like praying or fasting.
Are they Moslems too?
Maybe one of them is an atheist, did not tell anyone and kept this secret to himself.
Why shouldn't he talk about his apostasy in public?
But another one can talk about his conversion to Islam?
Should he be executed because he is living in an Islamic country?
What is an Islamic country?
Is Egypt an Islamic country?
Should he leave Egypt if he is not a Moslem or a Christ or a Jew?

God can make everyone in the world a Moslem if Almighty God wants.
There is a deep meaning in the differences between people.

This is life.

To imagine the situation back in the early years of Islam when there were so many wars and it was of so much importance to enlarge the size of the Islamic nation and to strengthen the power of Islam by letting more and more people join this religion, one can understand what happened back at that time.
If one converted from Islam to another religion and fought against Moslems, which means on the other side with the enemies of Islam, it was "then" logic to kill him.
So Moslems did not kill him for his apostasy, but because he was "an enemy" who started to fight against them.

Is there a difference between a man who was born in a Moslem family and decided in his adolescence to become an atheist and a man that was an atheist and decided to embrace the Moslem faith and then became an atheist again? Should both be sentenced for death?

What about ex-Moslem monotheists? Should they be treated the same as ex-Moslem polytheists?

The Quran came to the human being to tell them about Islam in a logical way, in a way that makes sense.
But there are things that you can't find an explanation for.
Like why should Moslems pray five times a day?
Where is god?
Why is it forbidden to eat pork even if it is clean?
Some people can say that the death sentence for an apostate is another thing we just have to accept without arguing or thinking.
Others will say that this dramatic consequence of apostasy is a kind of warning to the person who wants to convert to Islam that is telling him to think twice (and rethink) before taking this decision.

Can't you see what is happening between two poles in the same religion...Sunnis and Shia?
This year I heard about Baha'i faith, Quranists, Egyptian Christians who converted to Islam but want to convert back to Christianity and ex-Moslems who are atheists and I say to myself: what a chaos. It is exactly like Lulu.

If we let those people do what they want, then…then what?
The country and the whole world will collapse?
So there is a connection between state and religion, or let's say politics and religion.
I thought religion was about an individual.
An individual who acts and lives according to his beliefs and morals.
An individual who knows what is wrong and what is right and accordingly affects his surroundings in a positive way.
His surroundings include his family and the community he lives in.
And a good individual and another good individual will make a good nation…an Ummah.
Why should religion be connected to the government?
Am I a secularist now?

This is if we think about the message of Islam from a Moslem's point of view.
But if I am an atheist, or a Buddhist, why should I follow your rules, the rules of Islam.
I have my own rules.
I have my own morals.
For instance: for you it is forbidden to drink alcohol and to have premarital sex. But for me it is not. Why do you want to punish me? Because I am the minority living among a powerful and dominant Islamic community?
Because you think you are right and I am wrong?
I see that I am right and you are wrong.
But I respect your point of view.
Why can't you respect mine?
Where is the freedom?

When I come to this magical word "freedom" I just have to stop thinking, because I tried so many years to find a real definition for "freedom".
Maybe one day I will know.

For now I have a better idea.
Why don’t we just erase the religion part in the identity card and let everyone do what he wants to do, and believe what he wants to believe as long as he doesn’t hurt anyone.
Will you act with him differently if you know his religion?
Religion is something between you and god.

It is no one's business, and only god will decide who will go to heaven and who will go to hell.
If I were an atheist, I would never mention the latter.

زفت

انا بكره اسرائيل

Almost all Egyptians hate Israelis, I have to confess that I hate them too, I hate them so much that I want to kill them all, to erase them from planet earth, that is because my parents have told me when I was a kid that they are the devil, they are the bad guys that hate all the people from other nations and kill our fellow Palestinians.

In my school they taught me how to write poems declaring the war against Jews, I have even participated in a mini theatrical play about the Arab united and I still remember how everyone wanted to be in any part of the play but not to play an Israeli.

Everyday I see Israeli troops killing innocent unarmed Palestinian civilians, and the world is watching and no one wants to punish them.
I asked my father and he told me that they are very powerful because they have the control on the American economy and have a very influential role in many countries all over the globe.
The Germans don’t know how they could please them after the Hitler massacre.
Why do they suffer from persecution? Because they are born bad?

I recently have known that some Jews are still living here in Egypt.
In my adolescent years I figured out that the Jews have a "country" named Israel.
But what about those Zionist butchers? Are they Jews too? Hey, is there a difference between a Jew, an Israeli and a Zionist? Or are they all the same?
I also have noticed that in many Egyptian films they bring the Israeli flag and burn it. Even in reality, in political demonstrations, in the university, everywhere.
They have occupied Palestine and they have to go out, that's what we all have agreed on.
In the religion class the teacher has told us that there will be many fights with them, and that we will win in the final battle and the olive tree will tell us that an Israeli is hiding behind it so we can kill him.
In the newspaper I once have read that they don’t want to talk again with a man who doesn't mind to have normal relations with Israel. They called him a spy and an unfaithful Egyptian citizen.
My grandmother told us not to eat a specific chocolate because she thinks that Israelis have put a poison in it to kill the younger Egyptian generation.
The Israelis have to be blamed for every problem and conspiracy in the world.
Every time we see the Egyptian authority catching an Egyptian spy who worked for the Israelis we ask ourselves why he did this stupid mistake.
In the Friday prayer the Imam asks god to make their women widows and their children orphans.

There are so many small empty islands spread all over the ocean , why don’t we choose for the Israelis an island and give it to them for free so they could leave Palestine and live in their new home in peace?
They think that they are the chosen people from god, and that they have to spread from the land of the Nile to the land of Furat.
But as we see now their fights and hatred will continue without an end.

The Egyptians I met told me that this is how it should happen, this is an endless war between us and the Jews, and it will never end until the judgment day comes.
Don't the Jews know about this upcoming event?
Oh, I see, now I understand , this is how it goes, so we should act like that because this scenario has been already written.
As an 18 years old man, and I know I don’t know much about politics, this looks as a vicious circle to me.
If we already know how the scenario will go , then why are we acting as if we are trying to solve the conflict?
If they are so dangerous why don't we collaborate and unite to destroy them all? Is it because we are weak?
If the Israelis don't want to go to the island, why don’t the Palestinians go and live there instead? Isn't it much better to live than to die every day? Or is the Aqsaa mosque so important for us? We can make some Arab and UN troops go there and protect the mosque from any harm or threat.
I just want to understand the meaning of persecution…for what? Religion? Tradition? History? Facts?

I believe- and I don’t know if I am wrong in this – that we should not discriminate a category of people according to their origin, sex, religion , language , national or social origin , and if all Israelis are bad , I am totally sure – and I may be wrong in this also – that there is a good Israeli living with them , yes we could say that the majority are bad people , but maybe 0.0000001 % of them are good , and they want peace and don't want to kill or hurt Palestinians or anyone , but we can not see them.
Aren't those also victims of their unlucky fate? If I were among those 0.0000001 % and see how much the world hates me and that no one wants to listen to my voice of peace, I will be mad…and bad.

If we believe that further escalation of this crisis is inevitable, then we should continue to teach our children to hate Jews…to forget something called hope…and to prepare themselves for the finale…for the end of days.

By the way, I hate Israel.

انتيبت

مش عارف ليه البنات بقوا 2 15 1 25

Take my hand

I don’t know why this particular song strengthens my other weak part of me , the part that always wants to rip me out of this religion , the part that is whispering and telling me "wake up dude" , don't go with the stream, you don't have to be like the others , they are all hypnotized , you have to be yourself

My faith can slip from my soul like sweat

I know that for sure

but to remember the reason of being alive

may help me not to surrender to these devilish thoughts that come to my mind from time to time

the dilemma of being faithful to your believes and at the same time not feeling any real signs or wonders that can prove to you that you are on the right path can easily bring me to insanity

I am sorry but I find it hard with all the awful things that are happening on this planet

The song begins in a creeping manner with the volume being slowly increased and a low harsh voice giving me an order

Take my hand

You know I'll be there

If you can

I'll cross the sky for your love

For I have promised

Oh, to be with you tonight

And for the time that will come

This sounds really serious, who is this, who is talking to me, who wants to help me and to give him my hand

And then enters the violin part that comes running towards me aiming to slice me in pieces, or that's what I thought at first, but it strangely filtered my heart from all the rust and guilt that controlled me all these years in a dangerous fashion

Oh, and then comes the voice again , but this time in a much higher level, and with a "clenched jaw Mmmm " that emphasizes the call for me to give him my hand

Take my hand

You know I'll be there

If you can

I'll cross the sky for your love

I don’t want you to kill each other, to hate each other, to drown in your sins

And I understand

These winds and tides

This change of times

Won't drag you away

Is this a plea? Is this my savior?

Hold on, and hold on tightly

Hold on, and don't let go

Of my love

The storms will pass (the storm will pass)

It won't be long now (it won't be long now)

His love will last

His love will last...forever

and then comes the beautiful guitar playing, telling me not to worry, and not to fear , giving me a hug to cry, to get rid of all my anger and frustration

Take my hand

You know I'll be there

If you can

I'll cross the sky for your love

Give you what I hold dear

Now I am sure it is an urgent request

And I have to follow

The tone is serious and the atmosphere is spiritual

Hold on, hold on tightly

Hold on, hold on tightly

Rise up, rise up

With wings like eagles

You run

I can hear the sound of thunder

you run

and another thunder that shakes my body

You run and not grow weary

There is a reference here to Isaiah 40: 29-31, which says:

He gives strength to the weary and to him who lacks might
He increases power
Even youths grow weary and tired and vigorous young men stumble badly,
But those who wait for the Lord will renew their strength;
They will rise up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint

I can feel it now , the angels are coming to me, they are singing to me, what an incredible situation

(take my hand, take my hand)

Hold on, and hold on tightly

Hold on, hold on tightly

To this love...last forever

To this love...last forever

Take my hand

Take my hand...

and then comes the final violin part that filled my eyes with tears , this feeling of guilt wants now to come out, from each cell of my body , I am begging for forgiveness , I need your hand , I need your love

When I hear this song, I light 3 candles , sleep on my back , close my eyes and I look to a pitch-black infinite hole in my mind

This much underrated song by U2 (1983) was never performed live, and the title "Drowning Man" is not mentioned in the lyrics, but is mentioned in the song "Peace on Earth", it says:

"Jesus can you take the time
To throw a DROWNING MAN a line
Peace on earth"

Drowning man paints a picture of me struggling with the strife of the world, and I couldn't imagine the song without comparing it with the Celtic mood of "Angels in americA"

I need to feel the TOUCH of this hand.

I love you.

الو...الو...هل تسمعنى؟

اهلا و سخسخ بيكم فى حلقه جديده مفيده من برنامج فن طيز يا نصر
انا تهانى و انا مانى و معانا النهارده تانى الفنان الفانى ... تا تا تا تاااان... الفنان المبدع...تا تا تا تااااان... الفنان اكراااااااااام
وحشنا... اخبارك ايه... عامل ايه... بتعمل ايه... و نستفتح بتليفون و نقول الو... الو
الو... الو... الو
ايوه...احمد؟... ايوه يا احمد
الو... الو... الو... تيك
يظهر ان الخط قطع
الو
معانا مدام سهير على التليفون... ايوه يا مدام سهير
ايوه... الو
احنا سمعينك يا مدام سهير... اتفضلى
احنا ااا سمعينك يا ااا مداااام سهير... اتفضلى
مدام سهير... ممكن توطى التلفزيون شويه
مداااام سهير... ممكن توطى التلفزيوووون شويه...................حاضر
مدام سهير؟... الو
مداااااام سهير؟؟؟؟... ااااالووو... تيك
يظهر ان الخط اتقطع... يا ريت يامدام سهير تحاولى تتصلى بينا مره تانيه
المخرج بيقول معانا احمد على التليفون ... الو يا احمد
الو
ازيك يا احمد
انا مش احمد... انا الهام
ازيك يا الهام
الحمد لله
عامله ايه النهارده يا الهام
عامله مسقعه... انا بحب البرنامج الجميل ده... و حضرتك من المذيعيين اللى بحب اتابع برامجهم
الله يخليكى... تحبى تقولى ايه للفنان اكرم
احب اقول له انى انا دخلت الفيلم بتاعه ... دا فيلم بصراحه زفت خالص و هو كان فيه اساسا مش... تيك
يظهر الخط قطع... نرجع تانى مع الفنان الجميل اكرم... عاوزين بقه نسألك عن استعدادك النفسى للدور الصعب اللى انت قدمته للجمهور الصيف ده... يعنى كان عندك طقوس خاصه مثلا قبل التصوير .. و الا كان... مييييين... طب ناخد تليفون... الو
ال... الو... ازيك يا مدام تهانى
انسه لو سمحت... استاذ؟... استاذ شريف؟
ايوه... انا احب اهنى حضرتك على البرنامج التحفه ده
الف شكر... تحب تقول ايه للفنان القدير اكرم
انا فى الحقيقه مش عاوز اقول له حاجه... انا عاوز اقول لك انى من اشد المعجبين بيكى... و بطريقه حوارك مع الضيوف... و بالذات التيووور اللى انتى لبساه النهارد... تيك
الو... استاذ شريف... الظاهر الخط فيه مشكله
نرجع تانى مع عاشق الفن السابع الفنان ال... الو
ايوه... انا فاطمه
ازيك يا فاطمه
انا فاطمه
ايوه... ازيك يا فاطمه... عامله ايه
الو... انا فاطمه... الو
فاطمه... احنا سمعينك هنا فى الاستوديو
انا فاطمه... الو... انا فاطمه... انا فاط... تيك
الو... اظاهر... الظاهر ان فاطمه ما كانتش سمعانه كويس
اكرم... احنا عاوزين بقه نعرف ايه اكتر اشاعه مقطعيه دايقتك... بس ناخد قبلها تليفون؟... الو
اعلوع... اعلوع... ايوع
ايوه مين؟... مين معانا؟
انا البعبع... تيك
ياى... بعبع... عفريت... خوفتنى... اكرم... ما تخافش عليه ... انا متماسكه... نرجع لموضوعنا احسن... معانا تليفون؟... طيب... الو
الوالوالوالوالوالوالو
ايوه... طب براحه علينا
الوالوالوالوالو... انا اول مره اتكلم فى التالافازيوم
برافو... مبروك... بس حضرتك فى الواقع بتتكلم فى التليفون ميش فى التليفزيون
نياه... نياه...نياه... يا ظورفك يا مذيعه.. طب بجد بقه... انا اول مره اسمع صوتى فى التالافازيوم... ايه رأيك فى صوتى... مش انفع ابقى...تيك
ايه الناس الغريبه اللى بتكلمنا النهارده دى
الو
اده؟... معانا حد على التليفون
الو...انا مش مصدق نااااافسى خااااالص ماااالص...مين... فنانا الكبير اكرم... فنان العالم ... فنان القرن... الفن كله فيه... ياى... قمر... بينطق... شكلك... شعرك... بوقك... مناخيرك... كلك على بعضك عسل.. ياى... عسل سكر نباتى... ياى
مين معانا
انا هيثم... تيك
اكرم...تعاله نرجع لوراااا... لايام زمان... مش زمان اوى يعنى.. ما تخافش مش عاوزه اكبرك... كان مين مثلك الاعلى؟... بس قبل ما تجاوب على السؤال ده .. معانا متصل من الخليج الشقيق ... الو
الو... الله يعافيكى... اجدر اتجلم مع فنانا الكبير الجدير اجرم
طبعا تقدرى... هوه معاكى
اجرم... اجول لج انج جمجا جنقج جمت و جمنت... جلا جلا... جوجا جهولجا
ممكن من فضلك تعيدى السؤال تانى
جول جال ججاجا... جوجو... جابا بولجا
بصراحه مش فاهمين منك حاجه خالص من اللى بتجوليه... جصدى اللى بتقوليه
اكرم... تليفون؟... طب الو
الووووه... ايوه... ايوه يا اختى... بصى بقه يا ختى... انت فاكره نفسك مذيعه... وحطالى الاصفر و الاخضر على وشك يا خطافه الر... تيك
نكتفى بهذا القدر من الاتصالات و نعود بعد الفاصل... ما فيش فاصل؟...و لا اعلان حته؟... طب نكمل ... الو
الو
ايوه؟
مين معايا؟
مين معايه؟... انت على الهوا
انا عالهوا... طب مش كنت تقوليلى ... كده ممكن اخد برد
شوف يا اكرم لما الناس تفتكر نفسها عندها روح الفكاهه... ايه يا كمال.. ما تشوف الناس اللى عندك فى الكونترول... اكرم...ازيك... مشرفنا و الله... نسيناك يا اكرم... انا بحب الفنان يبقى قاعد وديع و مسالم كده زيك... انا عارفه ان صوتك يجنن... ايه رأيك تسمعنا حاجه كده النهارده... ايه؟... لأ يا كمال... انا مش حاخد تليفون دالوقتى... انا تعبت... مش عارفه امشى البرنامج... اللاه... كفايه تليفونات يا اخى... دوشتونى... اتخنقت... ايه؟... مش حاتدينى اجر الحلقه دى؟... طب نقول الو...
لولو... لولو... لولو
كنترول... اقطع من فضلك... اللى بعده... نقول الو
تهانى و انا مانى... حبيبه روحى...وحشتينى
ماما؟
لأ
نونى؟
لأ
طب بابا؟
حزرى فزرى...ابقى ميييين؟... انا الاستاذ شريف
كات كات ... اقطع اقطع
لأ بقه.. المره دى مش حاسيبكم تقطعوا عليه
اقطع
ممكن لو سمحتى رقم الموبايل... و لو ينفع رقم البيت علشان الكريديت بتاعى خ... تيك
اكرم...الوقت جرى معاك بسرعه اوى يا اكرم... تحب تقول بقه ايه للمشاهدين فى اخر الحلقه و الجماهير كلها اللى بتحبك... و الا اقول لك... ما تقولش حاجه خالص... كفايه انا اللى اتكلم
الو
كمال... انا بقفل البرنامج... مش معقول التليفونات لسه شغاله
الو
اعزائى المشاهدين... كنا اليوم مع
الو ... الو
اخرس... اعزائى المشاهد...عزيزى المشاهد... كنا ... اليوم... مع
الو ... الو... الو
المشاهد... المشاهدين...لخبط... تانى... كنا ... اليوم... مع الفنان اكرم فى...
الو
يلا اطلع بالتتر
الو... الو... هل تسمعنى؟

Facebook sucks

ال فايس بووك ده يا جماعه ابشع اختراع عرفته فى حياتى ... فاشل... لو شوفت اللى اخترعه مش عارف ممكن اعمل فيه ايه... و لو سمعت اى حد بيقول كلمه فايس بووك ... احسنله ما يقولهاش قدامى

اول ما عملت بروفايل فى ال فايس بووك دورت على حبيبه زمان ... اقوم الاقى اللى كنت بحبها و فضلت احب فيها لأكتر من تلات سنين حطالى صوره ليها هى و جوزها ... فعلا كان عندها حق مش بس ترفضنى اياميها ... ليها حق تتف عليه كمان... بجد الاتنين شكلهم لايقيين على بعض فشخ ... ما فيش مقارنه بينى و بينه... هو شكله احلى بكتييير و اغنى بكتيييير و شكله اجنبى كمان

قلت ابص على صحابى بتوع زمان ايام المدرسه... كنت متشوق اعرف همه العيال دول عملوا ايه بقه فى حياتهم بعد ما اتخرجنا ... انا مش كنت عاوز بقه اتف على نفسى ... انا كنت عاوز ارمى نفسى من اى بلكونه قاهريه ... ايش البت اللى كانت قاعده جنبى فى الفصل بتدرس فى هارفرد ... و البت التانيه فى اوكسفورد... و ايش الواد ده خلص ايه يوو سى ... و ده بقه استاذ سياسه و اقتصاد فى ال جاى يوو سى ... و ده بيشتغل فى ال اى تى بيزنيس فى شركه كبيره فى ابراج نايل سيتى ... و ده بيشتغل فى انجلترا ... و التانى فى دبى... و ايش اللى خلف و حاطت بنته الاموره بيتمختر بيها على الفايس بووك ... و ايش اللى اتجوز ... و ايه... عروسه زى القمر... بجد ... ما شاء الله ... و حاطت كمان صور الفرح التحفه ... معمول باستيل امريكان فى حته جميله اوى على النيل و الصور طالعه بتنطق و تقول يا حلاوتك يا عريس و يا عروسه ... و مش بس كده ... ده حاطت كمان صور شهر العسل فى اسبانيا... و يا سلام على الكومنتات بتاعت الناس ... تقطع المراره... و انا شكلى الوحيد اللى لسه فى كليه مهببه بستين نيله مع ناس معفنين باسلق فى البيض بتاعى علشان لسه ما استواش

و كل واحد و ماليلى الصفحه بتاعته صور صور صور ... كل دول اصحاب ... جايبهم منين دول... ده انا صحابى ما يتعدوش على صوابع الايد الواحده مش الايدتين... اده... الاقى زميلى اللى كان فى المدرسه بيتهته و خجول و حالته حاله و شكله استغفر الله العظيم ... الاقى البنات حايتجننوا عليه .. كل واحده كاتباله كومنت جابلى الأللوط... يا حبيبى واحشنى ... و واحده كاتباله البارتى بتاعت امبارح فى سنجاريا كانت منوره علشان انت كنت موجود ... و صورتك دى سكسى اوى و دى كوول مووت ... و انا طبعا بقره ببربور... ما تيجى تبوسينى احسن

ده انا حاطت فايس بووك بروفايل بتاعى شهور و ولا واحد كتبلى فيه كومنتايه ... طب شحتونى كومنتايه ... منظرى مش حلو خالص كده

عملت ايه بقه فى حياتى ... كل الناس ناجحه و مظأطته ... مش عارف مظأطته تتكتب ازاى ... كل الناس مبسوطه يعنى ... مفرفشه ... متهشتكه ... متدلعه ... كل الناس مصاحبه بعض ... و انا مصاحب نفسى
حظى دايما وحش ... ما عرفتش اعمل صحاب و انا فى المدرسه ... و ماعرفتش اعمل صحاب و انا فى الجامعه ... خلاص راحت عليه
هو انا وحش و الا ايه ... اكيد انا وحش بس مش شايف نفسى كويس ... اكيد فيه حاجه غلط و انا مش عارفها

حاسيت ان الناس مش هاممها تطلع نفسها بالبكينى... او تقول هيه حاتعمل ايه فى حياتها ... ده انا عرفت تقريبا قصه حياتهم كلها من ال فايس بووك

من الاخر... لو عملت لنفسك بروفيل يبقى اعتبر نفسك من اللحظه دى شبه عريان امام الجميع...فى ناس حاتعرف عنك كل حاجه...و فى ناس تانيه حاتستغل المعلومات دى اسوأ استغلال...و كل ده و انت مش عارف

اعتبر الخصوصيه اللى هى جزء اساسى من صفه الجنس البشرى مافيش... بح خلاص...راحت...حاتيجى البت تقولك اصل انا ممكن اعمل كنترول على اللى يدخل لى و اللى ما يدخلنيش...ما فيش اصل و لا فصل...انت اهبل ياهبل...انت عارف مين اساسا اللى عامل الط*ز بووك ده...مين...قول لى مين...المعلومات و الصور الجنان اللى منوره شاشات الكميوتر حول العالم فين...فى الهوا...لا طبعا...اكيد فى حته متخزنه...و مين عالم ممكن يحصل ايه

و بالمناسبه...احنا عارفين يا اختى انك شريفه و سجلك زى الفل

و مش عارف لاقيت ده طلع يعرف ده...اده...و ده يعرف ده كمان...اده و همه دول اصحاب من امتى

ده فى اتنين زمايلى فى الكليه عرفت انهم اتخطبوا قبل ما يعلنوا فى الكليه بشهر علشان البت حاطه الصوره الرئيسيه فى البروفيل و هى ماسكه ايد الواد

و الاقى ناس بقه عمله صوفح تخليك تاكل شعر راسك ... كان نفسى اقول كلمه تانيه بدل راسك بس عيب كده خلاص ... مش عارف لاقيت صفحه احلى بنوته تحت العشرين ... و جروب اختيار فتى ابو جسم جامد كيك ... و محبى مش عارف المطرب هباب... و اللى بيكرهوا الفنان الفلانى... و جرووب محبى التهييس...ايه الفراغ ده... ده واحد من صحابى لاقيته كاتب انه رايح ياكل دالوقتى ... ما تروح ... و انا اعمل ايه دالوقتى ... اسأفلك ... ناقص تكتب انك حاتروح تشخ بعديها ... تحس الناس صاحيه نايمه على ال فايس بووك ده

اخويه بيقول لى هو مين قال ان كل دول سوعده فى حياتهم ... اكيد لازم يطلعوا فى الصور بيضحكوا ... بس ممكن يكونوا عندهم مشاكل... و اكتر منك كمان

امى لما شافت ال فايس بووك و صحابى اللى كانت تعرفهم و تطورات حياتهم قالت لى ... انت عندك حق يا بنى ... يلا اكتئب ... و الله العظيم قالت لى كده ... احباط ثم احباط و يتبعه احباط ... احباط متواصل

اللى ضايقنى اوى انى عرفت ان اتنين اللى كنت اعرفهم ايام المدرسه ماتوا ... صحابهم عملين صفحه فايس بووك لذكراهم ... كاتبين انت واحشتنا اوى ... و انت كنت ملاك يا بوزو... و انت كنت البهجه فى حياتنا ... عمرنا ما حاننساك ابدا

طب فى حد ممكن يعمل لى بروفايل للذكرى بتاعتى لما اموت... مين حايعمل كده و انا ماعنديش حد اساسا
لما ببقى متنرفز مش عارف فى صوباعين من صوابع ايديه الشمال بيتشلوا ... مش بيتشلوا اوى بس بيجيلى وجع بينئح بطريقه عجيبه... لإن اكتر حاجه بجد باكرها فى حياتى لما اكون عامل حسابى على حاجه ... و ما تحصلش ... اصل كل يوم باخد خابور كبييير ... إن حد يخرج معايه فى الاجازه ... مافيش ... انا قولت بقه الاجازه جت و مافيش حجه ... ايش اللى اكلمه يقول لى ماشى يلا نخرج و حاكلمك بعد نص ساعه و تعدى نص الساعه و ما يتكلمش ... اكلمه مش بقه يقفل عليه زى زمان ... الموضه الجديده انه يسيبنى ارن ارن
هى الناس ما بقاش عندها ذوق و الا ايه ... هى الناس دى بتفكر ازاى ... حاموت اعرف الناس دى ما عنداش اى احساس بالاخر ... و اللى يقول لى اصل عنده مشاوير مع اهله و اللى يقول لى اصله لازم يوصل مش عارف مين مارينا و لما يرجع حايتكلم

امبارح بقه كنت خلاص حانفجر و نفسى حامووووت اخرج .. حلقت دقنى بقه و استحميت و عملت شعرى بالجيل و لبست احلى لبس و رشيت هيوجو بوص و مستنى صاحبى يرنلى زى ما قال علشان انزل ... مارنش ... كلمته بس الموبايل خارج نطاق الخدمه ... قلت ما ليش دعوه لازم انزل ... مش معقول بعد كل اللى انا عملته فى نفسى ده و فى الاخر ما انزلش
حاولت اكلم اى حد من صحابى انه ينزل ... مش عارف ليه كل واحد عاملهالى قضيه ... ايه يعنى الساعه حداشر بالليل ... احنا فى الصيف يا جماعه ... ايه يعنى لما ينزل ... اصل بابى ... اصل مامى ... اصل مش كنت تقول لى من بدرى و النظام الكحيان ده ... جيل متدلع ... كسل ... يا اخى ما تنزل و ماتكبرهاش ... ما فيش و الا حد رضى ينزل... وقتها الدنيا كلها ضلمت فى وشى ... انا فعلا و لا شىء فى الدنيا دى زى ما قلت زبرميييت مره قبل كده ... ما عنديش حد يبقى صاحبى فى الحياه... شريك حتى الموت

فضلت ماشى فى الشوارع قلت اروح اقعد شويه فى سيلانترو ...لاقيت الولد حاطتلى اللاب توب و حواليه اربع بنات عسل تقريبا مش لابسين حاجه و عمالين يضحكوا و يشاوروا بايديهم على شاشه اللاب توب... يا ترى ايه اللى عاجبهم اوى كده و عمالين يتفرفشوا عليه... عملت نفسى رايح الحمام و بصيت على شاشه اللاب توب بتاعته و اذا الاقى المصيبه الكبرى ... ال فايس بووك ... جالى عقم ... قررت انى مش حاخرج من بيتى ده تانى ... خرجت من سيلانترو مخنوق و حاسيت ان روحى حاتطلع ... و روحت اشتريت بيتزا هت ببرونى وسط بواحد و عشرين جنيه و نص و من البقال الحرامى اشتريت بيبسى دايت باتنين جنيه و جبت فيلم دى فى دى و اتفرجت عليه و نمت

Steeplechase from Atlas to Deals

down+jump+jump+down+up+down+jump+up+up+up+down+up+down+jump+jump+down+down+down+up+down+jump+up+down+up+jump+up+up