Loosing my Religion

You do masturbate in the bathroom because the door has a locker and you have constipation.
You do not go to college with a galabeya because we wear trousers.
You do not marry with the age of 18 because you are still a kid.
You do not talk to a strange girl in a bus because you are not a psycho.
You do not work for 1 year or more after high school because you have to go immediately and automatically to a college.
You do pray in a mosque because it is Ramadan or because you have exams.
You shave your beard because you have a job interview.
You do not go to a wedding party with a t-shirt on because you are not poor.
You give this guy the job because he is a son of your friend and you will need him one day.
You do not go to another place on earth because you have been born in a place called Egypt.
You do not have two or three wives because you do not have money.
You hate Israelis because they are Jews and all Jews are bad people.
You do not vote because it is better and easier to be passive.
You do not visit your neighbor without an appointment because he may be wearing a pajama.
You do marry a virgin because you want your penis to be the first one to enter the vagina. We have made a mixture of religion and tradition that really works…at least in our country.
We are killing ourselves to show the others the mercy of Islam…and we are not mercy to each other.
We are killing ourselves to teach the others the forgiveness of Islam…and we are not forgivable.
We are killing ourselves to enlighten the others about the peace of Islam…and we do not have the pursuit for peace.
We are killing ourselves to underline the fact that we are tolerant...and we do not tolerate the others or each other.

We are using parts of our religion in a way to reach our goals.
In a country named Egypt tradition plays the main role in our lives…it is so sweet like chocolate cake…but we like to put a white cream on the top of it to make it look nice…and delicious…so you have to eat it in one bite.
We do not have to beg the others to understand Islam…because we are the broken mirror of Islam ” please understand us…please listen to us…we are not terrorists…wallahy we are not fanatics…nia nia nia…bla bla bla …hello…hey…look at us…we are good…our religion is really really good…it is wonderful…it is magic…you just have to convert to Islam and you will see…I promise…"

I am living in a country where more than 70% of its citizens are atheists…and they are on the A list of most economically developed countries…which has one of the most respectable democracies…freedom… and lack of corruption.
We just say:“ well…the day will come when they go down and one day most of them will face their awful destination”…but they are enjoying their time and we are getting more and more depressed. Are we the winners because we are struggling?

Our religion has become an obstacle rather than guidance. Our religion has become an adjective for a whole nation and not a secretive belief for individuals.
My religion has become more important for you than yours. I do not want anyone to ask me…what my religion is…because this is not your business.

The End of the World

When I was young I thought I will live till the year 1996.
These thoughts started 1992 in a classroom with intelligent pupils and a talented storyteller…the religion teacher describing the horrific and shocking scenes of the final years of earth.
I believed in every word he said and the pictures of this day that I have imagined never came out of my mind.
I thought at that time that I will face that day…that I will experience every event of it.
The year 1996 came and I did not die…and I was happy… almost.
I tried to forget the possibility of facing my death through Armageddon…I even told myself that if it is going to happen in this century …it will happen after I die.
Surprisingly I am asking myself this question today: Am I going to see the end of days…is this the beginning of the final part of human history? The nature and human violence are playing the apocalyptical symphony of life…there is destruction all around the world…and people are racing to put their signature on the contract of “The End “.
First there is Palestine, and then Iraq, Lebanon, Syria …then Iran, America, Russia…then Korea, Japan, China and finally all will collide…or should we call it the war between the New Moslems and the 3rd generation of powerful Jews…which will be opened with a ceremony by Iran …or maybe the US will take the first step…
They taught me that there are small signs and big signs of the end of the world…and that all small signs do exist…almost.
I went to school…I studied hard…I tried to get the best marks…I wanted to go to the best university…I joined the best faculty…I studied for many years to graduate and to start my new job…I wanted to have a beautiful wife and beautiful children …I wanted to taste the ecstasy of sex…I wanted to have a house with a garden full of red and white roses…I wanted to do the Hajj and see my grandchildren grow…all what I have done were for nothing…should I begin to enjoy my life as much as I can…but it seems that it will never happen…planet earth will never see a peaceful day anymore. The leaders know that this may lead to the World War III … but they do not care…they are like children…each kid is saying that the other kid took the toy from him…that the other kid touched him or spoke to him in a bad way...
After the Friday prayer I told Fufo El Masry: I think that the end of days may take 100 or 500 years to come…or maybe more.
He told me: this is just the beginning…each event will happen so fast…one after the other …that you will think it is just happening in one single day…yalla 2el7a2 etgawez.
For me this was not a funny joke…and after I left him on my way home with the bicycle…a car came and just hit me but I jumped from the bicycle and fell on the street…I do not remember what happened...I was injured …bruises in my arms and legs…people helped me to go home.
At that moment I remembered my last do3a2 in the prayer when I asked god for forgiveness and that I wish to go to heaven…I have made a lot of mistakes and very bad things in my life…this could have been my last words…this could have been my last day of life…this could have been the end of my world

EGYPTIANARCISSISM

To live here is like living in a lego land...everything is in order...everything is nice...everything is beautiful...the streets...the cars...I can finally breathe fresh air...no pollution...no noise...no crowdedness...here I can work...I can concentrate...I can be productive...I can be creative...I can meditate...I can enjoy and live the real life...

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I do not understand what we are doing in

Egypt...fighting...fighting...fighting...help us ...help us...help us...and people here are developing themselves and enjoying their lives...are we crazy...I am sad that we are wasting our present time in self-destruction...and blaming our Gogo and Popo that they are the obstacle...if we really want to do something we can do it right now...the problem is...that when we do it...we do it in small groups...or as individuals...we have to do it together...and to have no fear...

.

we do not need to wait and get orders from Gogo or Popo or Momo...we do not need to have permission from Gogo or Popo or Momo...cause they do not exist...they are "us"and we have made them...we are just running in a vicious circle...hello...wake up...and just do what you want to do...cause this is how a revolution starts

could we have some style and beauty in our houses and buildings

could egypt be green like that

the nile shore...could it be like that

could we learn how to behave and to have some discipline

could we find real love in education and innovation

could we have a university like that

could I have a nice view from my window like that

or should I just wait for heaven

Let's talk about SEX

Exclusive interview with FUFO El Masry

WS:How are you
FUFO: I am fine
WS:How is life here
FUFO:Well…not like I have expected
WS:Why?
FUFO:Hard …especially after the terrorism-war-thing all over the world …oh…and you see now what could have happened with the airplanes they wanted to blow…living here is now a nightmare…and it is very boring
WS:By the way…mabrouk for the marriage
FUFO:Thanks
WS:So…tell me…how did you meet her
FUFO:In the disco…we talked…danced…she gave me her number…then we met several times …and after a while she became my girlfriend
WS:But why marriage? FUFO: I do not know
WS:Sure you know…what do you mean with I do not know…did you marry her to stay in this land…or to take the citizenship…or because you love her?
FUFO:She is the one I was looking for…and I wanted to have unforbidden sex
WS:Unforbidden sex…what do you mean with unforbidden…aha…you mean it is not forbidden…you mean it is religiously and traditionally not forbidden…but you had sexual experiences without marriage…and it is easier…so why have you changed your mind?
FUFO:Tobt…
WS:He he he
FUFO:Yes…you know I have been raised in a religious conservative family in Egypt…and as you know it is impossible now to marry someone in my homeland…you already know the reasons I think…and I will not masturbate all my life till I marry or become infertile
WS:He he he…ok…you told your family?

FUFO:Not yet
WS: I see…so what are your plans?
FUFO: I do not know…I do not have any plans now. I am working in a restaurant
WS:But you told me that you came here to make your postgraduate studies…so what happened?
FUFO: I do not know…my life here sucks…thank god that I found my soul mate…look…this is her picture with me…and here is another picture of her
WS:Wow…no way…is this your wife...awesome…ya wallad…3ereft tena2y…yabn el la2yma…she is gorgeous…beautiful…she could be a model…or participate in miss universe…pure perfection…sexy body…golden yellow hair…beautiful face…beautiful eyes…beautiful smile…wallahy bravo 3alek
FUFO:But I am afraid she could get pregnant
WS:Why?
FUFO:I do not want to have children in this land…in this society…and you know why…and I am not prepared for that step at all
WS:Do you use condoms?
FUFO:No
WS:What…you are kidding …right?
FUFO:No… I am telling you the truth… I once used the condom and I did not feel anything during intercourse…she is taking something like a ring or so with hormones
WS:What is this…I never heard about this method of contraception
FUFO:Women know what they are doing
WS:But aren’t you afraid that one day she may forget to use it or that this method could have a high failure percentage
FUFO:That is why I am really worried…you know…condoms are very expensive here
WS: I could give you some…I bring them always from Egypt…they are made in China…3 condoms cost 1.5 pounds only
FUFO: I just said that I do not feel anything with condoms…and I have to tell you that I have a problem…I cum very late
WS:This is good…because then you can enjoy sex for a longer time
FUFO:No…she gets exhausted…because we never have the orgasm at the same time…so if I use condoms it will be worse
WS:You can use lubricants or sensitive forms of condoms
FUFO:I think I have to go to a doctor
WS:Ok…do you think now that marriage is easier here than in Egypt?
FUFO:Of course…you do not need anything to have legal sex…do you know that in our life together …each one of us pays 50% of everything…food…house…transportation…this is fair…plus women and their families here are not complicated like those in Egypt…khalehom ye3aneso fi masr WS:So what is your advice for the youth in Egypt?
FUFO:Instead of telling your parents all day and night that you want to marry,just tell them:
Mom…Dad… I want to have sex

X T C

Dear Mr. Shab, dear Mrs. Shab , dear family , dear everyone

11:09 pm
I am sitting in a dark and very loud internet café with teens playing video games…people talking with mics…others hearing music…trying to write as fast as I can ...cause every hour is very expensive here…

Mr.Shab…I did not like the way you talked to me on the phone…if you can not give me an advice... or help me …I think it is better for you and me to save the money and not talk…because I got depressed after the call…I did not want to do anything anymore...you do not want to hear me complaining…you just want to hear positive things…well ok…do you want to know that my hair is falling dramatically…100-150
hairs/day…cool…isn’t it…I am absolutely happy cause now I do not have to go to the barbershop…do you want to know that my face is suddenly full of acne…cool…isn’t it…cause now I am attracting more girls…do you want to know that I have constipation…cool…isn’t it…cause now I do not have to fear diarrhea…and tell Mrs. Shab that she does not have to call me behind your back…saying “ are you ok baby “…or “ is everything ok baby “ or “ do you feel ok baby “…and then “ why are you hurting us wallad “…” why are you doing that to us wallad “…” I do not know what you are doing wallad “…

Mr. and Mrs. Shab...just call to know if I am still alive

your son

Now I am talking to myself…

I was very busy last week searching for a new place to stay in …and I found a very nice room in an apartment…and the owner agreed to give it to me but after 2 hours he called me and said that he gave it to another one…I do not know why he did that …or do I know…
The man repaired the bicycle…but every time my trousers and socks get dirty…
Everyday I sit in my room after a hard day of working …eating Nutella and drinking orange juice…watching CNN and BBC…seeing what is happening in the world…enjoying watching people killing each other…waiting for the end of days to come…and wake up to find the TV still open…then go to work…and so on…
But…and here comes the big fat BUT…this week is going to be totally different…ECSTASY...do you know why wallad…because I do not care anymore…I do not know what I am doing in life…I do not have a specific target…I do not have a near reachable goal…plus the future is not so promising…hey man…I am not a pessimistic person…on the other hand…I am a dreamer…and dreamers do not belong to this planet earth…I want to live on the clouds…
Breaking News: the owner of the room has sent me a message telling me that she is going to take legal actions against me ...she will sue me because I want to leave the room in spite of signing the contract...let's get ready for X T C

Escape from Egypt

Dear mother,dear father,dear family,dear everyone

You all know what I have done to leave Egypt
I never believed in bad luck but that could be the headline of my first week.
I do not want to live on planet earth anymore.

1 The room is very hot ( like a sauna ) and the temperature outside is already 39
Michael told me it could be the effect of the heater of the whole building ,which is located downstairs.
2 The room is on ground zero ,which means anyone can see what is happening inside,they can see me while changing my clothes,they can see me eating and they can see me while I am sleeping
3 All the day the sun is shinig directly in my room which rises the temperature of the room to 45 , so I am sweating all the day .I tried to solve this problem by living with only my boxers on ,but all night I have to wake up evey hour to wash my face and body.
4 One of the biggest problems is this metallic thing they have put outside the window to prevent anyone entering the room,as a security safety,and it is like the door of a garage ,there are some small holes to let some air come inside the room,but all day and night the wind makes this metallic thing move which makes a very loud annoying noise .I can not stand that anymore.Even when I tried to close it completly , I could not breathe ,the room is very dark and it still makes that noise.
5 The fridge does not have a freezer ,and this is my major problem here ,because the only thing I eat here are fish fingers,ice cream and frozen vegetables,and I have to put these things in the freezer,Michael told me they never had that problem and that I have to buy my food everyday from the supermarket but even so I can not eat all the package of fish,ice cream or vegetables in one day , and you can not imagine how hot the weather is, I need to put my drinks in the freezer.
6 The bathroom does not have a lock,well it is not that big issue if someone enters the bathroom while I am taking a bath.
7 Although the room is very big but I feel it is very empty,very depressing and very dark.I do not enjoy a second in this room.
8 In all these coming events you have to put in your mind that the weather was horrible and hot like hell and that the sun was shining all the day long burning my skin and boiling my head.
As you know I wanted to buy a bicycle because the tram and buses are very expensive,to go anywhere I have to pay for every ride 2 euros ,which means approximately 15 pounds,and everyday I need to go from home to the place I work ,then to downtown,then back home,that means 45 pounds traffic a day,and on fridays I have to go from home to work,then to downtown,then to the mosque at the border of the city,then back to downtown,and then back home,that means 75 pounds traffic,so I went to search for a cheap bicycle,but all bicycles they sell are very expensive,100 euros ,80 euros,130 euros,and all the day I was searching in this hot weather with record temperature,until I have found someone in the end of downtown selling a bicycle with 50 euros,so I took it from him with 40 euros,then after 2 minutes there was no air in the back wheel,so I walked back to him,he fixed it and I drove heading home which is located 7 km from the shop.On my way back the back wheel was empty again of air.I did not know what to do so I walked with the bicycle the 3 km left back home ,on my way I was searching for someone to repair it but all shops were already closed.The next day I went with it to someone to repair it but he wanted 25 euros,I asked him if he wants to buy my bicycle but he said no.These 2 days I had to use the tram to go to work,and I went to the man who sold me the bicycle and he did not want to give me the 40 euros back till he sees the broken bicycle himself.I then have met a friend of mine which told me that her friend does have an old bicycle which she does not want anymore,so I went with her to her friend,I took the bicycle which was somehow broken,but she told me it is ok ,you just have to drive slowly and nothing will happen,so I thanked them and I drove my way home when the bicycle did not want to work anymore,it was already night and I tried to fix it,but I could not,so I walked with the bicycle 4 km home.On the next day which was friday I tried to fix the bicycle before going to work,and I somehow succeded,but on my way it got broken,so I left it,went to work,and took it after work to someone to fix it,he told me he wants 30 euros,I left it in downtown,took the tram to the mosque,then back to downtown,then to home,took the old bicycle,then took the tram back to downtown,then walked with the bicycle to the man,had with him a little fight,then took the 40 euros back and with the other bicycle to the other man to fix it.He said ok and that I can take it at the end of next week.At that point I collapsed and told him my whole story,I begged him to fix my bicycle but he was cold as stone and did not want to help me.One of the workers saw my tears falling from my eyes like rain so he gave me another bicycle and said I can use it until they finish repairing my bicycle.
9 I have broken my eyeglasses
10 One of my shoes is broken
11 To wash my clothes one time I have to pay 2.5 euros so I decided to wash my clothes by myself
12 All of my friends have their final exams now and no one is free for me
13 Michael will leave after 3 weeks so I will have to live alone which I do not like
14 I can not concentrate in my work at all
15 I do not know what to eat so I am eating Nutella all the day,and I have lost 5 kilos in one week
16 I take a shower sometimes more than 3 times a day
17 Michael is a very nice person who understands all the things I suffer and is trying to help me as far as he can
18 Thank you Michael for the welcome party…your friends are very nice

your son

This was the letter I have written to my family...boing boing boring

by the way...what is the best way to end my life

the welcome party

'

This was my first post in this blogspot I did not publish

I am sitting alone in this old apartment, with cracked walls, the light of an old lamp, the smell of ashes and the coldness of winter thinking what to do with my paradoxical life.
I am almost dead in this only life I have. I wish to live it from the start again.I have forgotten the way of laugh. I have been a companion of tears. I have been a slave of my community. I have been a project for my family. I have chosen all the difficult choices in life. I am begging for love. I have not found my other side. I want to take a rest from living. I hope to rejoin the pureness of my spirit. I want to prepare myself for sudden death. I am not living the real reality. I understand the truth of life.I am an alien in this room.

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B for B**N

Blog is a big conspiracy.
A cyber world you can cherish with the illusion of doing important and precious things, an empty space you can fill it with your thoughts, a hidden monopolistic communication for your own satisfaction, a misconception of self resurrection and an explosion of necessary and unnecessary opinions.
For me blogging started as an intrapersonal rather than an interpersonal dialogue-why I do not feel comfortable with my situation in life, to organize my mishmash ideas and conclusions, to heal my pessimistic vision and to entertain myself with the adventurous process of blogging.
I discovered that I could have been a totally different person if I were not living in this place and time.
Am I going to be the one I wished and intended to be if I really succeeded in changing myself in the same unchangeable time and place?
Anyway blogging is a misleading sign of improvement, a waste of time and a slow down in real self development.

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نهاية البداية

فى الفترة الأخيرة حدث تغير ملحوظ فى الحاله العامة لدى المصريين، و تعد هذه الرغبة الملحه فى التغيير و اصلاح مصر من الاعراض الايجايبه فى مرحله الانتقال التدريجى من القاع إلى القمة ، و حين تكون معظم فئات الشعب مجتمعه على ضرورة الخروج من هذا الظلام المزمن إلى نورالأمل بأسرع وقت ممكن ، فمصر بحاجه إلى محو كل ما هو خبيث و معدى حتى ينبت الزرع المفيد فى تربه ناقيه و بيئه صحيه ، و لابد أن يكون التعليم التنويرى جزء اساسى لتطبيق الاحلام الواقعية ، و تشعب دورة الحياه المصرية بالحريه الحقيقية و الاستقرارالصحيح هو العامل المؤثر فى جميع حركات التنمية الجادة و النهضه الملموسه فى الحاضر ، وعلى الشعب أن يكون قادرا على التأقلم مع كل ما هو جديد و غير متوقع ، كما على كل فرد أن ينسى تراكمات الماضى و يفتح قلبه إلى اقصى درجات التسامح و تقبل الآخر، فلا ننتظر الخير أن يأتى الينا ، فليجعل كل واحد منا نفسه منبع للخير والحب فى هذه الرقعه من العالم المحتضر

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نصائح بابى و مامى - الحلقة الأخيرة

قبل الكبر
يا ابنتى – ماتضيعيش وقتك معاهم
يا بنى – اكتب وصيتك

قبل الاربعين
يا ابنتى – كونى افضل صديقه لعائلتك
يا بنى- اللى فاضل اقل من اللى فات

قبل العجز
يا ابنتى – اجعلى لنفسك اهمية للحياة
يا بنى – فرفش نفسك صح

قبل التخريف
يا ابنتى – بيت المسنين ارحم
يا بنى – بص لورا و ماتبصش لقدام

قبل التهميش
يا ابنتى- احتفظى بكرامتك
يا بنى – انت طفل

قبل الوفاه
يا ابنتى- خلصى كل ارتباطاتك
يا بنى – استعد

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الشغالة بت الشغالة

البت الشغاله دى اللى بتشتغل عندى عفروته و مفعوصه و بتنرفزنى كيك...اجى يمين تيجيلى شمال... اقولها تنضف فوق...تنضفلى تحت...حاجه تقرف...و اليومين دول صعب الواحد يلاقى شغاله كويسه...بصراحه انا مابحبش الشغالين الصغيرين دول علشان بيدلعوا طول النهار...يا بيه عاوزه اكل...يا بيه عاوزه اشرب...يا بيه عاوزه استريح...ماتستريحى ياختى هوه حد حايشيك...ما اصل الشغالين بتوع اليومين دول بقوا عندهم بوق بيتكلم...و عندهم رأى و وجهة نظر برضه لازم تحترم...بس يا بت انتى روحى اجرى بعيد داهيه تخدك...و كل شويه اهددها و اقولها حصورك...لو نرفزتينى حصورك...طب ما انا مصورك...اضحكى...اضحكى بقه...ايه الضحكه دى...مين البعبع اللى طالع فى الصوره ده...يا مامى ...ده انتى تخوفى بجد...لأ حرام...متعيطيش...خلاص بقه... بهزر معاكى...هوه احنا حنقعد نرغى و لا ايه... ياله يا بت انجرى روحى شوفى شغلك

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Bla Bla Bla

This country has everything to be rich…like…like…mmm…well…tourism…yeah…tourism…we gain a lot of money from tourism…and….mmm…fff…well…what else…what else…mmm…fff…yeah…Suez Canal…yup…we gain a lot of money from Suez Canal…and…mmm…fff…what else…what else…mmm…fff…well that is it…what …no way…really…nah…it's a joke…so where is all that money…well…mmm…fff…first of all we do not steal anything...we use it to make people live in a better condition…we bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla…bas

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