11

لو لم اكن عاهره ، لوددت ان اكون مغتصبه

52

لو لم اكن يهوديا ، لوددت ان اكون ملحدا

69

لو لم اكن سودانيا ، لوددت ان اكون صوماليا

لأ و الله

قولت للراجل بتاع التاكسى بعد ما وصلنى: معاك فكه خمسه جنيه
الراجل: لأ و الله
قولتله: طب معاك كام
قاللى: معيش حاجه
قولت: معقول معكش اى فلوس
قال: ايوه…مأصل انا قولت حيجيلى فلوس من الزبون
قولت: يعنى ينفع حد ينزل من البيت و هوه معهوش اى مليم…افرض ان البنزين خلص
قال: خلاص يبقى ربنا عايز كده
واحده بتشحت: حاجه لله
قولت: طب استنى لما ادى للراجل فلوسه الأول…استنى هنه بقه لما اشوف فكه
قولت لراجل واقف فى الشارع: الاقى مع حضرتك فكه خمسه
الراجل: لأ و الله
لست ماشيه فى الشارع: الاقى مع حضرتك فكه خمسه
الست : لأ و الله
لتلت بنات ماشيين فى الشارع: الاقى مع اى حد فيكم فكه خمسه
البنات: لأ و الله
لكاشير فى كافيه: معاك فكه خمسه
الكاشير: لأ و الله
لراجل بيشتغل فى محل ملابس للرجال: الاقى مع حضرتك فكه خمسه جنيه
الراجل : لأ و الله
اعت اسأل كذا واحد و اعت اعدهم و كله بيقول: لأ والله...اكنهم عايزين يقولولى:لأ مش معانا+هو انت مش مصدقنا...طب و الله العظيم مش معانا...باختصار علشان كل واحد مشغول = لأ والله...احتماليه 67 % انى احنا بنرد على هذا السؤال بهذا الجواب بدون وعى = احنا اتعودنا نرد كده
رحت للراجل بتاع التاكسى و اعت جنبه و قولتله
سألت خمسه و عشرين بنى ادم ماشى فى الشارع و ولا واحد فيهم معاه فكه خمسه جنيه…ولا واحد فيهم معاه فى جيبه شويه جنيهات أو انصاص جنيه…اصل احنا شعب غنى مابنشلش إلا بالعشرينات و الخمسينات و الميات
الراجل بتاع التاكسى: خلاص يا بيه…خليها عليه المرادى
قولت: انت عارف…طول محنه كده كسلانين و مش عاوزين نساعد بعض…حنفضل فى اللحنه فيه ده
الراجل بتاع التاكسى: هوه احنه فى ايه… بس ممكن فعلا محدش يكون معاه فكه
قولتله: بص…انا حسأل خمسه كمان و لو مافيش ممكن نروح بعدها لبنزينه ادام نفك
سألت راجل فى الشارع: لأ و الله
سألت الشحاته فى الشارع على فكه خمسه بصتلى بأستغراب و اندهاش و قالتلى: لأ و الله
وقفت ميكروبص ماشى فى الشارع قاللى : انت مش حتركب
بصيت على الفكات الكتير اللى فى ايديه و قولتله: معاك فكه خمسه
مردش عليه و مشى
وقفت تاكسى و قولتله: انت اخر واحد…معاك فكه خمسه
قاللى: لأ و الله
مشيت بعيد لغايه سوبر ماركت و قولت للبياع: الائى معاك فكه خمسه
قاللى: لأ و الله
قولت له: طب انا حشترى حاجه
قاللى : برضه معيش فكه خمسه
لقيت راجل عجوز شكله صاحب السوبر ماركت سألته عن فكه خمسه
قاللى: استنه كده لما اشوف
و طلع كل الفلوس اللى معاه و كان بينهم جنيهات فكه ادهالى
قولتله:الف الف شكر…انت الفائز معانا النهارده…لازم اخدلك صوره
الراجل العجوز اتبصت
رجعت للراجل بتاع التاكس و ادتله تلاته جنيه
الراجل بتاع التاكسى مشى و هوه بيبتسم
ياترى لو حد سألنى على فكه بعد كده حقوله ايه

Don't wake up

...for them…if they have to
Why are you so pessimistic?
I am not. This is the truth, but they do not want to see it.
Let me ask you…do you think they have a chance to wake up.
No…not in the coming 20 years…maybe after that.
I see…why do you think so?
Well…because if they really want to do something…they have to start with the kids…and start right now…because it is already late…they have to educate them in a way…that let them be an intelligent…enthusiastic and powerful generation…but it will take a long long time to see the effect…the funny thing …till now they did not start anything at all…why…because they do not know the importance of that …they are sleeping
And what about the young generation today?
Huh…they are like blind chicken…crashing into each other…they are weak…very weak…they are very good in dreaming…but they do nothing…and because they are free and believe too much …they involve themselves in political and religious issues…they think they can do something…but they can’t…I am afraid to say...they are waiting for someone to rescue them
Don’t you think you are too…
Let me finish…they do not understand who is fighting with them…Egyptians against Egyptians…they tell me: are you crazy…they hate each other…they kill each other…they torture each other…they beat each other…why…because they are not educated…not enlightened…
But don’t you think there are few enlightened Egyptians out there that…
I know what you are going to say…they have no effect…they are wasting their time in this country...they are not even 1% of the population…what are they going to do…
Ok…and what about hoping to ...

الله يقرفكم زى ما قرفتونى

ضاعت عليه المحاضرات...و ضاع عليه الدرس...و ضاع عليه اليوم و امبارح و المستقبل كله... و مشيت النهارده اكتر من خمسه كيلو على رجليه...و عرقت و غرقت فى شبر ميه...و كنت حاسس انى ملزق و الناس ملزقه فيه...و حاجه تقرف...هوه فيه ايه...هه...ممكن اعرف فيه ايه...كبرى 6 اكتوبر مقفول...كوبرى الجامعه مقفول...الشوارع كلها مهنجه...و الناس كلها متشنجه...دى حاجه تقرف...ولا ليه نفس اروح الكليه...و لا ليه نفس اذاكر...و لا ليه نفس خلاص اعمل اى حاجه...خلاص...كفايه بقه...انا زهقت...زهقت بجد...اه و الله زهقت...خلاص مبقاش فى فايده...قال بيفرقعوا بومب قال... بلا نيله

An orphan named Sinai

Am I happy ?

Am I free ?

Am I Egypt ?

الفشفاط فشطنى

لقيت الست حتموت فى البيسين لما شعرها لزق فى الشفاط تحت الميه و معرفتش تاخد نفس روحت مدلها قبله الحياه وحاولت اطلع شعرها المحشور معرفتش فجبت مقص و قصيت شعرها و أنقذتها و لما فاءت لطشتنى بالقلم و قالتلى ده انت مش بس قليل الأدب و بوستنى تحت الميه لأ وكمان ندل و حقير ابن وسخه قصيت كل شعرى

My life in this country in one sentence

Someone asked me once: “Can you describe your life in your country in one sentence?”
I told him: “Living in this country is like being captured in a room with tightly locked windows and being forced to eat your diarrheatic stool to survive the rest of your life.”

MOTU

My hero is He-Man…the most powerful man in the universe…he is half earthling half eternian …and She-Ra …hmmm…and his Battlecat… and his enemy Skeletor…this was my world back in 1984…the world Eternia…I was one of the first who had these things in Egypt…and I was proud of that…all my friends came to my home to see my hero…they thought I was powerful too because I was the only one who had the real Castle Grayskull… I still have Castle Grayskull… they gave me a lot of gifts to be closer to me…and to have the opportunity to come more to my home to see the world Eternia…until one day that friend invited us to show the first screening of Masters of the Universe in Egypt…of course I was mad…because he stole the show from me…and there were always fights because of that…until one day my hero disappeared…vanished…well today I need my real living superhero…I need him so much

Taxi ( part 2 )

He was a young man in the middle twenties …graduated from the faculty of commerce …a taxi driver and…well he began to tell me his thoughts:

“I want to marry…but I do not trust any woman…most of them are bad girls…bitches…I had a lot of sex…and now I am getting used to it…I am getting bored…now I wanna try it with s-ms…do you know where I can find them…I know they are out there...where do you live …there is a lot of dirt out there…have you tried things like that before…but you know man…how can I make a family and we do not have money…and at the same time I can have sex without having any responsibilities…what do you study…ya…you know kids and obligations and stuff like that…oh no…do not ask me about religion…look man…I am still young…how old are you…oh…but you look younger …why are you taking this picture…oh…blog…I never heard of it before…aha…please don’t tell me these boring phrases…this is a sin …and this is not a sin...where are your ethics…look what is happening in this country…I am not the only bad guy here…there are all bad out there…they are stealing our money…there is unfairness…yes…it is hot today…no…this is not my taxi …I have change…do you live here…no…I am just asking…”

It is hard not to cry

I heard him last summer in Europe…and his voice never came out of my mind…
He is a story of success…he has gone from being a soldier in Kosovo to pallbearer for the Queen in England to a superstar in the U.K. in an amazingly short period of time
Oprah told James Blunt: “I was minding my own business when I got a call and someone said this is something you should hear.”
What a fantastic performance…more than perfection…James Blunt singing his final song (Goodbye my lover) in the Oprah Winfrey Show…he sang with a unique voice, enriched with true feelings and so overwhelming …he was playing piano , singing ,dreaming and crying at the same time…I tried not to cry but I failed...this song is connected with a great loss in my life...I looked to my mother who was watching the show with me…and her eyes were full of tears…the audiences in the show were mesmerized and I think they were crying for sure…his album “ Back to Bedlam “ is a must hear

Dear Mody

I am shocked...I was worried that this could happen to you…I should have helped you…god be with you …I will never forget you …take care of yourself …never forget that god is always with you…faith will keep you strong…I am sure we will meet again (isa)…very soon… till then my friend

This life is torshy

It is going to be a hard , hot and long day…and I have a lot of things to do…and as you know the bureaucracy in this country…I have papers to be signed…and other papers to be stamped…and other papers to be checked…and @%^&#...and 193#@### …bla bla bla…and I have to wait…stay in long lines…and shout…and smile…and run between the offices...and give tips…but to have the energy and patience to do that…I have first to eat my on the run fast-breakfast ( foul and tameya sandwiches with torshy)…the torshy is very important for me…because it makes me more alert and concentrated…do you want to have one…take this…please...come on…hmmm…delicious

OM SAID ( M.I.E )

I liked many things in this combination...the 2 symbolic pictures behind...the full-cold-far cup of tea...all the potatoes left on the ground ... her weight... the fragile basket she is sitting on...and working in public
She had a sharp big knife in her hand...not only to make potato chips ...but also to use it as a defense weapon...or to threaten anyone… as in my case when she saw me take that picture...thank god I am still alive

Conditioning

Our friendship broke 3 and half years ago...but there was always respect between the two of us...today I met him...one of my best friends...we were like brothers...we knew everything about each other...we had dreams...we had enthusiasm and were active to do everything to reach our goals...he was surprised that I wanted to meet him again....he even told me that it is not the right time to talk about the past ....because we have our final exams...but I was happy today that he listened to me...and agreed to open a new white page for our friendship...we talked...discussed...I told him all the things that happened to me in the last 3 years...I was astonished that he did not change at all...his way of thinking and opinions...and I was amazed from the fact that he does not see anything wrong in this country...and he does not feel anything unacceptable or harmful in the condition we are living in...I do not know how to describe it...maybe acceptance...toleration....or maybe a kind of adaptation...I told him that I am jealous of his status...should I

Please shut the F@#$ up

Talking...talking...talking...that is the only thing we do...we talk too much...we talk all the time...we have so many newspapers and magazines only for people to talk...we have lots of TV talk shows only for guests to talk...talk talk talk...we keep on talking about our problems ...we keep on talking about our plans...we keep on talking about the things we are going to do and the things we are not going to do...we keep on talking about the future...but we do nothing...we do a big NOTHING...and an evidence for that is for instance me...look what I am doing right now...I am talking about an Egyptian habit many people already talked about...but I am talking about it again...why...because I am still in Egypt

واو طه نون

A homeland is the concept of the territory to which one belongs; usually, the country in which a particular nationality was born, an environment offering security , rights and happiness.
And I was !!! lucky !!! to be born on this country...automatically , traditionally and ethically forced to love and be faithful for it as long as I live...and if I do not do that I will take the death sentence and after my execution I will be hated from most of the people on planet earth.
I am still searching for my homeland…till I find it…the security , rights and happiness.

Successful ASKINATION trial

When I started the project ( ASKINATION )...I never thought that someone will respond...it was an anonymous creature...I was very happy...because it gave me hope that there are some creatures out there that are ready to communicate...willing to understand...yet I am not sure he did understand me...but at least he made the first contact with me...in this alienated community

The flowers of Quran

I found the magical cure to survive my daily life in Egypt…I saw it in the Omar Sharif's movie " Monsieur Ibrahim et les fleurs du Coran" 2 years ago…but I never used it…today I tried it…and I succeeded...
I smile
I smile when I go…I smile when I talk…I smile when I meet anyone…I smile to my colleges…I smile to the taxi driver…I smile to all the people on the street…I know that some look to me in a strange way…as if they think I am euphoric or took something to be high…but they are few…and it made a surprising effect on my surroundings…everyone is friendly to me…I am more confident…people respect me more…help me more…like me more...I try to smile in a normal way…not to overact it…I try to make my smile come from my heart…I try to remember all the beautiful things in my head…all my dreams…well...let us see how long I could do that
By the way…this movie is awesome…it’s a message to love our life and to celebrate what holds us together rather than what pulls us apart

Where are you my friend ?

Look to the girls… returning from school hand in hand…singing…talking…playing…dreaming…sharing their thoughts…I wonder…where are these moments…now we are grownups…but where are they…maybe the tough days we live…maybe the responsibilities we have…maybe the problems we face…I miss the bond of friendships…the pureness of friendships…friendships with no previous intends

ASIA

I still remember when I first saw the cassette on the shelves back in 1992…and I saw a futuristic image of Egypt…it was so stunning and eye catching …so I bought the cassette although I did not know the band and never heard them in my life…and when I first heard their songs I was moved to an unknown place and time…maybe to the future…the brighter side of it…I felt victory , enthusiasm , optimism and the glory of the coming century… especially in " Voice of America " , " Hard on me " , " Too late " and " Love now till Eternity "…but I lost the cassette after 2 years or so… and never found it again…and while I was downloading some new mp3 songs yesterday I found them again…so I downloaded the songs I liked …I even found other good songs like " Heat of the Moment " … and lived the past again…in the new century…they did not know at that time when they made the album in 1985 that the new century will be full of wars and hatred…full of poverty and suffering…well I hope to see a powerful and intelligent Egypt… the new pharaohs...like the imagined illustration… before I die

Egyptanamo

فى فيران بيضه... و فى فيران سوده... بس القطط الجهنميه مابتفرقش بين الأبيض و الأسود... الفيران خطر... مش بس علشان بتعض... لأ علشان بتأرئض... والفيران كتير... علشان كده لازم يكون فى إباده جماعيه للفيران... بس القطط تعمل ايه لو ما فيش فيران... علشان كده قرروا يلعبوا بالفيران ... و يعملوا عليهم تجارب كمان... يشيلوا سنان فار...أو يقطعوا ديل فار... أو يكهربوا فار...أو يكووا فار... ده صوت صريخ الفار لذيذ... و الفيران يعرفوا انهم كتير... و الفيران يعرفوا إن فى كلاب... بس الفيران ميعرفوش انهم فيران

New courses from HellTours

HellTours presents the new courses ( Before coming to Egypt ) for summer 2006

1. The colors of lie: blue lie, white lie, black lie, red lie, green lie and yellow lie
2. The principles of cheating
3. When, where , why and how to give a tip
4. Grammer and vocabulary for the traditional Egyptian vulgar communication
5. How to take your rights without going to the court
6. The ethics in stealing
7. The moral value of accepting humiliation
8. Why animals are better than human beings
9. Discover the beauty of dirt with Dr.Shit
10. Clever steps to forget your identity

Every course costs 150 pounds including practical training and visits.
A new offer :10 courses from 10/5/2006 to 25/5/2006 for 750 pounds only.

Address :Center Elnoqa , 6 St. Clor , Boulak el Dakror , Giza, Egypt
For more information:
Tel: ********** / *******
Fax: ** *******

مبروك لهانى

ألف مبروك يا هانى على الفوز الكاسح ده...هى دى مصر و همه دول المصريين...و طبعا كالعاده بتوع لبنان دول لعبوا فى الاصوات...اصلهم من يوم الواد عطيه و هما مصممين ميكسبوش واحد مصرى تانى...ياريتك كنت مكان عطيه يا قمر انت يا حليوه...و طبعا حستناك انا و شله البنات فى المطار

***بنات هانى فان كلوب***

أفى

واحد ضربنى أفى و أنا ماشى فى امان الله فى الشارع... روحت ضربه أفى... اليوم اللى بعده راح ضربنى بوكس فى وشى... روحت ضربه بوكس فى وشه... اليوم اللى بعده راح جاب السكينه و دبحنى بيها فموت... اليوم اللى بعده جم أهلى و دبحوه بالسكينه فمات

I am not a spy

The microbus was already full and the boy working in the microbus was taking more and more people...and I do not know if he can see with his eyes...cause the bus was completely full and there was no inch more left for a human being to stand...if we are human beings...so I took the camera to take a picture of the condition...and how people were suffering...until a student asked me with anger...why I am taking a picture...he asked me if I am a spy or a detective...I told him no...so why are you taking a picture in the bus...I told him : and why not...so he took the camera of his mobile phone and showed me how brilliantly he can take photos of me...so I smiled...this reaction made him nervous so he kept on taking more and more pictures of me...and I showed him that I am not bothered at all...and I realized now why the act of taking pictures of normal Egyptian people is so unpleasant and unacceptable...because they are not used to see the reality of their lives...it is something not appropriate to show

United 93

It starts as a normal flight to San Francisco...passengers searching for their seats...stewardesses welcoming them...but suddenly they hear about a plane crashing in one of the twin towers in New York...And then another plane...until they know the awful truth...their airplane is being hijacked...this was the trailer I saw yesterday...and I think it is the first film dealing with this sensetive issue after the disaster of 9/11 ...and I wonder if it is really being shown in the American theatres...cause it was like a horror for me...so how is it going to be...for the American audiences...when they see the trailer

A Beautiful Place

This piece is one of the masterpieces in the National Egyptian Gallery of Art...look...beautiful...look closer...look to the details...the colors...the structures...the shadow...the figures...the light...can you smell...can you hear the sound of flies...imagine yourself in a wonderful place like that...
In the picture you will find more black plastic bags...why...because it is the symbol of black days...a symbol of cancer...and because...
And there are a lot of Koshary remnants...why...because this is the national traditional food for the majority of Egyptian citizens...and because...
And there are a lot of tea bags...why...because Egyptians drink tea -with average 4 small spoons sugar- day and night...and because...
And there are a lot of medical stuff...why...because this is a symbol of sickness and early unreasonable deaths...and because...
And the picture is full of plastic bags...why...because...
And the word because has been mentioned here in an unexplained way...why...because

Eine Erinnerung

und wenn ein lied, meine lippen verlässt,

dann nur damit du liebe empfängst

durch die nacht und das dichteste geäst

damit du keine ängste mehr kennst

dieses lied ist nur für dich

schön, wenn es dir gefällt

Seminar : We must love Egypt

...yes...we have to love Egypt...we have to be proud that Egypt is our land...I guess all of you want to know why...well...we have the best thing in the world...the most precious thing on earth...we have the pyramids...yes...we have the pyramids...and that is enough...we are the pharaohs...we are powerful...we are geniuses...we are creative...we are the future...we are the civilization itself...so...my dear students...never ever forget the pyramids...because then you will never forget Egypt and the meaning of being Egyptians...yes...you have to be proud being Egyptians...and I suggest everyone should have a big poster of the pyramids in his room...yes...and of course a copy of the song of Nancy Agram ( YOU ARE EGYPTIAN )...and the homework for next time is the following...write a report not less than 50 A4 pages about all the advantages of being an Egyptian...I wish you all good luck...and see you next time

LifeSux now in Egypt

The international organization LifeSux opened its new branch in Egypt and invites you to join their new campaign ESA ( how to enjoy your suicidal attempt ).It will pick the members of the first group , discuss the possible location and time and then decide for the best way to commit suicide.Member should be 18+.Free for the first group.

خمت الأسكيناشون

الأسكيناشون لم تغب من رمش العوص سوى حنان برك الفطمات... و لو زبد غرور ضعيف انكان... لمحت والثميخ فى ظؤأينقات الفلاتر...فعلش و خدانى و مخطئانى شكوك زى إيثن ...هلب لما آن ظجرول ...و بيشلا...اومت سركان العين و حصوف ...نطف غ صا ...جدب شريط اهوم

Women independence myth

They care for their families...they care for their husbands...they care for their children...they cook...they clean...they wash...this is the typical Egyptian women...the housewives...the mothers...the hard workers...we miss them in Cairo...if the enlightened modernized women could combine their duty towards their families with that towards their work and studies...if...

هانى ستار اكاديمى

هوووووووووووووو....هانى...هانى...هانى...هانى...أنا كنت خايفه موووت لحسن تطلع يا هانى...و نصوت عليك... أنا و ماما و أختى شيماء و كل أعضاء الفان كلوب صوتنالك و خلينا كل الشله و أصحاب الشله يصوتولك...و عاوزين نقوللك اننا بنحبك موووت و مزعلناش من هيفاء الهيفه دى...لأننا واثقين فيك...وعلى فكرة أنت زى العسل و قمر و موز ...و حنفضل واقفين جنبك علطول...و البرايم الأخير حنكسر الدنيا علشان تكسب و ترفع علم مصر...و ربنا معاك يا هانى...ربنا معاك

شعارنا:هانى هانى...أحنا عاوزينك تانى

بنات هانى فان كلوب

****hany star academy****