Somber Days

When I have something good happening in my life…something that makes me happy…I don't know why I always expect to experience something horrible coming soon...right after it…something that will make me sad…it is not the matter of me being pessimistic…it is how I now understand the process of my life…and come on , it is logic isn't it…for example if you have your birthday one day…the next day you likely may fail in your exam…or if you did not fail you will probably have a fight with a dear friend…or any bad thing might happen to you

When I look at major events in my life…I see how I was happy when I graduated from high school…and then I was sad when my grandfather died…and then I met my ex girlfriend…and then I lost my ex girlfriend…and then I hated my college…and then I found my passion in directing independent films…and then I had a terrible car accident…and so on…and elhamdullellah for the time being I am feeling all right…I mean nothing really disastrous happened in my life from a long time ago…masha2allah…you know when you feel stability in your life…I mean you see your life going in a monotonous fashion…what happened yesterday happens today…but unfortunately I am living in fear now…though I know I should live the momentum of joy rather than wasting the good time in deep thinking…but maybe because I am anticipating something dramatic that will/is going to/may occur in my life soon…I can't fully taste happiness…you know…life is not a fairy tail…life is not a Cinderella story…she meets her prince and have kids and live happily forever after…when you look at the philosophy of life you will see that it begins with something beautiful…the birth of you…and ends with something terrible…the death of you…and guess all the things that are going to happen in between
I was thinking about this issue while watching Iñárritu's
"21 Grams" with my dear friend F8 in the train…I will not talk about the movie because it is a fantastic movie with superb performances by Sean Penn, Naomi Watts and Benicio Del Toro...and has an important message that everyone should understand…but I somehow mediated in some images shown from time to time in the film that may seem unimportant to the viewer…maybe because this was my seventh time to watch this movie...and by the way I have to say that the editing style was not the usual way you see a movie…I mean you see random scenes…not put in a chronological or logical manner…the whole film is like a puzzle...you see a scene in the past…then one happening in the future…then one in the present…and so on…reminds me of "Memento" and "Run Lola Run"…and you get the full picture of the story at the end
So there was an image of birds flying at sunrise…and a scene showing an empty room that was a moment before filled with people partying…and a desert with a cloudy sky…and a scene of leaves falling from the sky at sunset that looks like the first scene of the birds flying but to the opposite direction…and an empty swimming pool in a rainy day…these images were shown at specific moments during the film…and they had symbolic meanings to me
Birds flying at sunrise is for me freedom, activity and joy in the beginning of life…and the empty room is for sure empty because when people finish the party they then go home…so it is the natural consequence of enjoying a part of your life…the party has to have an end…the self-satisfaction and the fulfillment of someone's dreams has an end when reaching his goals…and the desert with a cloudy sky is like the time I am living nowadays…the sun is shining…the weather is great…the landscape is beautiful…yet there are some clouds in the sky…and you don't know what is coming next…I am anticipating something...leaves falling from the tree at sunset is the dying process of any living being…it is sadness and grief…it is the change that has to occur in everyone's life…and finally the last scene in the movie which is an empty swimming pool…no water inside…it is like an empty body…a dead body…with no soul inside...and the rainy day is the hope…that we always try to believe in…the hope of a better tomorrow…the hope of the rain to fill the swimming pool with waterI recommend everyone to see this movie…not to know the cliché theme of 'hey dude…live your life to the fullest and enjoy every moment in it'…but to know that life is somehow a timeline of random chaotic events…they don’t have to have a meaning…but they sure have a motto…happiness comes after sadness…and sadness comes after happiness…and grief somehow overshadows joy...and we pass this around…to survive life and to understanding this paradox is a lot to cope with…and this is what I am trying to do right now